Ice and Snow, ME and My Dog

I've been intending to write a post here, but every time I open the laptop to do so, I get distracted by something else on the internet and lickety split it is supper time and I need to get going on Princess's supper, my supper, etc etc.

Reading: Supersurvivors (2014) and A Memory of Light (2013). I would like to say more, but just can't right now.

First major snowstorm of the year I think, happening today.

Listening: Podcast called Breathing Pattern Disorder and implications in Long Covid (2022). This is the distraction that got me today. One of my diagnoses. The other is ME.

On Monday I skated at the Reservoir. First time in years! I was shaky but I did it.

On Tuesday I skated again, this time with Princess. She was so delighted to chase me across the ice, running as fast as she could, ears flapping, tail going hard. It was such a moment of joy but we both paid for it. With congestive heart failure she shouldn't have been running. In my defence I didn't know she would do that, that she would be so excited. I thought she would just meander around like she usually does.

With my ME, any activity like that makes me sick for the rest of the day. It's a trade off. Same for Princess.

I didn't skate today, I wanted to, but Princess was with mr and I didn't want her running again. I thought I would come back later without her but then the snow picked up and I knew I needed a break anyway so I didn't go.

There's a family who live near the Reservoir who clear the snow off the ice, when the ice is thick enough and they are not out skiing. They were there today, skating and clearing snow.

I hope there will be more skating days.

My Little Princess

I never thought I'd end up with a little yappy dog with entitlement issues, but here we are. She comes from Elderdog (a dog rescue agency that tries to match older owners and dogs), from a rather unpleasant background. A 13 year old Pekinese/Lab Retriever mix with a few minor health issues (for now). Princess is pretty much the antithesis of Hapi.

I always thought that while Hapi made people around her very happy, she wasn't really a happy dog herself. Not unhappy, just more reserved and independent. And Princess confirms that, she is definitely a happy dog despite her background. She makes me laugh, she likes to cuddle, and she sleeps in (on my bed). She will never replace Hapi, but she is the right dog for me now. 

With Hapi I could look up Malamute behaviour and she fit it to a T, but Princess being a mix I can't really do that. Sometimes I can say, "oh that's the Pekinese in her" or "that's the Lab in her", but I've only had her now for three weeks so I'm still getting to know her. She has definitely made herself right at home here; she's landed on her feet and she knows it.

Princess is a bit of an energy draw though, she loves going for walks and she can move much faster and further than I can, even with her limp and tiny legs. The limp gives her a kind of rolling gait which is cute. She would dearly like to play with the bigger dogs at the Reservoir, but her tiny legs can't keep up with them.

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Big snow storm on Friday with about 5 or 6 cm on the ground on Saturday. My guy came to shovel in the afternoon, he was very slow but he got the job done, with some direction from me. Finally I can lay off the snow shovelling!

I had to do a stress test last Monday, I was half hoping that I would get at least one test that showed an abnormality, but this wasn't it. Tiring but not significant. But between hauling a load or two of firewood in and walking the dog every day, I am always fatigued and dizzy and brain fogged. Started LDN for the second time, no side effects this time but no positive effects either. However they say it can take up to a year or more to start seeing benefits, if any. I'm just happy the worst side effects last time—nausea and depression—are not there now.

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In November?December? I watched a Netflix fantasy series called The Bastard Son and the Devil Himself. I thought it was really good but Netflix decided not to renew it. Then they changed the title, now it's called Half Bad, which is the book series it is based on. The library has the book series so I am reading that. 

YA fantasy literature is often not that well written but this one is, the author Sally Greene is older and I guess a better writer than many YA authors. She says she likes the Hemingway style of writing and tries to emulate it. I finished Half Bad and am on to the second book, Half Wild. I can see that while the Netflix series was more or less true to the main characters and the overall plot, it definitely made a lot of changes in timing and specific plotlines, also dropping a few to make it less complicated.

Greene revised her novels based on some of the things she learned from the screen version. Nothing serious, but she saw the racist implications in what she originally wrote that the Netflix version changed to something more neutral, so she did too. I got the first book as an online book with her revisions, but the print versions the library has are older and still contain the problematic language.

It is the rare author who writes a novel that can be directly translated into a screenplay. A novel is a different storytelling medium from theatre or big/small screen video; novels don't always work so well in strict translation, or vice versa. Very much depends on the talent of the writers and directors involved. 

A special horror

Politics is like bad cinema—people overact, take it too far. When I speak with politicians, I see this in their facial expressions, their eyes, the way they squint. I look at things like a producer. I would often watch a scene on the monitor, and the director and I would yell, 'Stop, no more, this is unwatchable! No one will believe this.' ~Volodymyr Zelenskyy, 2019.

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I  crashed hard after last Friday's snowstorm, shovelling on Saturday triggered it. I am also in a cognitive behaviour therapy for insomnia (CBT-I) zoom program, at this stage we are restricted in how much time we can spend in bed. The combination of restricted sleep and post exertional malaise (PEM) did me in. My sleep time (we have to keep sleep diaries) plummeted from 6 hours to 3.5, and by Tuesday I was damn near suicidal. 

Had a major meltdown in the zoom meeting on Tuesday, in front of everyone. One of the participants suggested that the facilitator—a psychologist—and I deal with it after the meeting. I thanked her for saying that. Anyway, clearly I am not in good shape. 

The following morning was my weekly 'coffee date' with a neighbour and I told her about it. She has a chronic—ultimately fatal—illness and she recounted how it was for her when she realized that this was her life from now on; all her plans for her future were gone. I think that I am just coming to that realization; after almost two years of illness there is no firm diagnosis, no treatment and no hope of recovery (based on what I know of other people's experience). Not to mention a doctor who needs hard evidence in the way of medically approved tests before she'll say or do anything. She kind of twisted my arm to go into this CBT-I program and so far, more that halfway through, I feel worse rather than better. Probably one of the worst winters I have ever had.

I am mostly flat on my back except for necessary activities like grocery shopping and food prep; about all I can do flat on my back is read or use my iPad. And hey, have you been watching/reading/listening to the news lately? Enough said. Here in Nova Scotia we have the added pleasure of the Portapique Massacre enquiry going on. That's like reliving it all over again, only now you get to see/hear the gory details you didn't know about at the time. I have one image now stuck in my mind: four little kids from two different families hiding in one basement after both sets of parents have just been shot to death. It gets worse from there. 

This has been two years of unbelievableness, it's hard to imagine that things will get better. The major crises happening now are only obscuring the crises waiting in the wings, assuming the current crisis doesn't precipitate a nuclear world war. This isn't over, not by a long shot.

This morning I read a book review in the New York Times (they offered a great deal for a one year subscription so I took it) of The Invisible Kingdom: Reimagining Chronic Illness by Meghan O'Rourke, 2022. There were some good quotes from the book which I definitely relate to, and my local library has ordered the book so I've put a hold on it. Turns out I'm first in line.

"It felt as if my body were made of sand, and as if molasses had invaded my brain." 

Totally. This is the one quote I think does a really good job of describing what it's like. Symptoms change, effects are physical, mental, emotional. Not only am I losing my physical capacities but my mental ones as well. I feel like I can't speak properly anymore, a kind of aphasia. Better not to even try.

"My ability to accumulate information felt like the only control I still possessed." 

Absolutely. I've become obsessed with consulting PubMed and a couple of other websites I trust for the latest in research and information. The one tiny part of my remaining life I have any control over.

"...the special horror of being not only ill but also marginalized — your testimony dismissed because your lab work fails to match a pre-existing pattern." 

Yup. So far all lab work and other tests show that I am completely healthy, so maybe a malingering drug addict with mental health issues?

"The illness was severe but invisible. And that invisibility made all the difference — it made me invisible, which itself almost killed me." 

Before this illness I was very active, and I had a great social life built around that activity. Both have vanished. When I spoke with my neighbour yesterday she described what that felt like in her life. For me, I am afraid to appear in public anymore because I just don't want to deal with people's responses, and she said she used to lurk in forest trails around her small northern town rather than walk down the street in public. Where she lived there were wolves, her husband really didn't like her forest lurking at all.

"Your need, when you are sick, can squeeze up inside your chest, balling its way up and out of your throat. I pictured it as a thick, viscous, toxic gel that slid out of me at moments when nothing else could."  

Exactly how I felt when I just lost it on the zoom call: utterly toxic.

"The entanglement of self and sickness became a mirrored distortion, a fun house I feared I was never going to escape…" 

I hallucinated the other night, wide awake and enthralled in this fun house kaleidoscope of colourful sparkly weaving/slithering/flashing shapes, I could see my thoughts embedded in it, hopelessly entangled, like little birds in a mist net.

"There is a razor-thin line between trying to find something usefully redemptive in illness and lying to ourselves about the nature of suffering. … I will not say the wisdom and growth mean I wouldn't have it any other way. I would have it the other way."  

If this is how one obtains wisdom and growth, then I'd just as soon be stupid and stuck, thank you very much.

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It's a good thing I have past experience of copy editing, otherwise this post would be utterly unreadable. Can't speak, can't even type. Took hours of retyping.

Ice-mageddon

The last ice storm did me in I think. I spent a few hours on Saturday digging out (inches and inches of solid ice). Snow plough guy could only do a partial job, even the snow plough was not up to dealing with the ice. However I used a garden spade to break through the ice around my car tires and later a couple of people helped me push the car loose from the ice. Since then I've been in bed, getting up only to go to the bathroom or get something to eat. Partially fatigue partially dizziness, even sitting up with my head unsupported is difficult. Between the icy roads and the Omicron restrictions, there's nowhere to go.

However, I have a clear view of the bird feeder and that is my principal entertainment (I periodically go out to refill the feeder, but since it is so icy I have to use my ice grippers). There are a few new birds, a couple of pairs of purple finches. The males don't take no guff off other bird species but they don't mind each other. I've been enjoying watching them, but today a female finch crashed into my window hard. I looked out and there she was belly up on the snow with her legs sticking up like a dead bird. Her head twitched a bit so I got a small box and a little rag and went out to get her. She struggled a bit but not enough to get away. I left her in my foyer, a tiny unheated room. Then I went back to bed and read for awhile. After an hour or so she had lifted her head. Another hour later she was looking around. I went in to check on her and she panicked and flew around the tiny room. So I opened the outside door to let her out and she did indeed fly out, but only to my shoulder. I put my finger in front of her and she didn't move except to peck it a bit. More exploratory than defensive or aggressive. After a few more moments she flew away.

Since then I've seen two female finches at the feeder, but am not sure that one of them is her, they look alike. I guess I could have kept her indoors a bit longer but I don't know what their water and food needs are or how badly she was injured, so I left it up to her. I hope she's okay.

The four mourning doves survived the storm, I see them occasionally. One of them perches near the feeder and looks at me through the window. And now that the snow is so solid the pheasants who live in the bushes behind my place can walk on top of it and I have spotted a colourful male poking around my back fence.

Today it is raining. It will probably freeze overnight, yet more ice. So far this winter is rapidly approaching the snowmageddon we had in 2015. Icemageddon? The one good thing about the ice storm was there was no snow shovelling necessary and you could walk on top of the snow because it was frozen solid. All 50 cm of it. No power outage here but tens of thousands of them in a swath that marks the worst wind and freezing rain. My town is located on the edge of that swath, so we were very lucky. I think they have not finished getting power back to folks 4 days later, and more power outages are happening due to this storm today. Hope we continue to be lucky. 

Our power company wants to not only raise the rates for residential customers but also penalize anyone with solar panels. Amazing. There was such an uproar about it that the premier of the province said he would make sure they legally could not do that. I am getting solar panels in the spring so my installer called me to make sure all the contractual documents were signed so I would be grandfathered in under the old rates. The proposed penalty is so hefty that it would discourage most people from attempting to install solar panels, thereby putting the nascent solar industry out of business. In Nova Scotia our principal sources of electricity are coal and oil fired generators, and supposedly the Maritime Loop from Muskrat Falls. A financial disaster in and of itself. Years ago our power company was owned by the government, but they sold it off to an American company and nobody is pleased with that either.

There's a joke circulating that after the latest ice storm the power company was checking on how many customers used generators during the power outage, with the intent of slapping on additional penalties for generator use.

Sorry, no photos, just no energy. It's either way too cold or way too slippery to risk freezing my fingers or unbalancing myself. Not in a happy picture taking mood anyway.

Weekend Nor'easter #3

Third nor'easter this month on its way, should be here tomorrow morning. Shovelling out after a nor'easter puts me in bed for three/four days after, I am so-o-o-o looking forward to this one (not). Plus, after a big dump of snow it's forecast to also deliver a hefty load of freezing rain, which should make shovelling even more fun (not). I would hire someone to do it but I don't know anyone, or even how one would go about finding a snow shoveller. Snow ploughs are easy, shovellers not so much. Last year the girls next door were quick to volunteer help; this year it's guys with a snow blower who like to blow their snow onto my property.

On a bright but kind of weird note, I saw four robins in the bushes behind my back yard today. In January. I guess some of them have started overwintering here.

Another bright note, I have at least two pairs and possibly three of cardinals coming to my birdfeeder. I recognize two of the males, one is skinny and light red ('Pinky') and the other is fat and dark red ('Big Red'). Cardinals are skittish and not particularly sociable, the males and females tolerate each other but only just. But two males? Big Red beats up on Pinky something fierce. Pinky is always looking over his shoulder when he comes to the feeder.

Four mourning doves have taken up residence under my house. There's an overhang at the front of the house surrounded by wooden lattice with a couple of holes in it just big enough for the doves to slip through. The birdfeeder is nearby so when the weather is bad they can just pop out to check for seeds on the ground; when the weather is good they hang out on the power lines. I like the doves, don't mind them hanging out under the house. At first I was worried that they were trapped there but having seen the two holes they use I don't worry about them anymore.

I did get out skating once or twice but there's been too many big dumps of snow for volunteer shovellers to manage so the ice is pretty much buried now, except for one small rectangle for the hockey players. Just as well, a nice sheet of smooth ice is too much of a temptation for me and I pay for it afterwards.

My social life is down to zip. I am too tired and dizzy to get out for more than necessary grocery shopping. Omicron has pretty much put paid to anything more than that. Most days I can't even get up the energy to phone someone. 

On a really nice day I'll walk to the Reservoir, and once this month I actually met someone there that I knew. We only know each other through dogwalking at the Reservoir and she lives in another town, we have no friends or acquaintances in common. She's quite a bit younger than me but somehow we connect on a very personal level. So we exchange complaints about life in general, and get a few laughs. Hapi isn't around anymore so her dog has no one to entertain him while we are jabbering on. His patience eventually wears thin and he finally starts whining about it. 

I like that we have this odd relationship where we have little in common on the face of it but can talk endlessly about it. Since neither of us is regular about our Reservoir walk timing, it only happens sporadically.

And on and on it goes

Happy New Year.

I guess.

Well, maybe it will be, who knows. The signs aren't good though.

I walked to the Reservoir this afternoon, looked at the melting ice. A week ago I got to skate on it when it was a glassy smooth sheet of ice, now it's a mess of melted ice, pooled meltwater and piles of melting snow.

Eventually it'll freeze up again, but whether it will be glassy smooth or not is anybody's guess. Usually the first few days after it first freezes are the best, but then it's not very thick so you're taking your chances. Best not to go alone.

On my way home a friend who was driving by stopped and asked if I wanted a ride or not. I jumped in her car and said, "Your timing is perfect!"

These days I am out of bed no more than 6 hours a day at best, most of that time taken up with chores and errands. But if the stars line up, the weather is good, and there's no chores or errands, then I can go for a walk. I can no longer walk to the Reservoir and back without exhausting myself, so I was glad she showed up when she did.

She's not in much better shape than I am, doesn't know if it's physical illness or depression. I said, "Does it matter?" Not a lot one can do about it either way.

We've both gone in search of laughter, I found it in old "Seinfeld" shows and she in "Friends". By the time she dropped me off I think we both felt better, nothing like a good laugh to cure what ails you. Temporarily anyway.

My son's family in Toronto all have the Omicron. Today they said Ontario has more than 18,000 new cases, and since they're not doing extensive testing that's just the tip of the iceberg. It's the same here, we have no idea how many cases there really are. Today I read that the booster shot wears off pretty quickly; 65-70% protection at best and down to 45% after 10 weeks. Israel is already starting a 4th round of shots.

We're doomed I tell ya, we're doomed!

Since I am not really up and about that much, I have less to report that's anywhere approaching fun or even pleasant; so I probably won't be posting that much. There's only so much gloom I can write about before I bore myself.

Memory work

A couple of weeks ago I bought a painting. It's very Maud Lewis-ish, but I like it. I have another painting by the same woman, I told the saleslady that when I bought it. She said the artist will be thrilled to hear that someone out there is actually collecting her stuff.

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First major winter storm last night coincided with doctor's appointment first thing the following morning, necessitating getting out early to shovel snow. Not a fun time. On top of that, last night I was sifting through paperwork trying to find something or other and while I never did find whatever I was looking for, I did find the receipt for having paid the last installment of my property tax and noticed for the first time that the low income seniors rebate had not been applied to it. I then hunted for evidence that I had in fact applied for the rebate, and found none of that either. Not even a form that had been left unfilled and undelivered, just nothing.

So after the doctor appointment I trekked over to town hall to see if they had any evidence that I had applied for it and of course they did not. As the clerk said, they would have applied it if I had submitted the form. Well, I knew I was suffering from brain fog and memory issues, but this was one expensive memory slip. Sometime back in the early days of the pandemic I had requested that my bills be emailed instead of mailed, and that went okay for the first year but in the second year I was late paying two bills because I forgot, and I never applied for the tax exemption. I requested to go back on paper billing, so much for saving trees. The clerk muttered that she could never do online bills.

My doctor suggested that I get my memory tested, there's a local company doing some kind of study of dementia and looking for people to do memory testing on. My doctor doesn't think I have dementia but it might be useful to see how much the CFS has affected my memory. She also recommended a couple of other things which I asked her to write down for me otherwise I would never remember them. I've already forgotten what they were, but I have a piece of paper that she wrote on!

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I am not recovering very well from my mini-vacation, there seems to be way too much stuff to do to prepare for winter and I am not sleeping well. The bout of snow shovelling this morning has flattened me, I spend way too much time in a recliner. I have books to read but no energy to pick them up.

I was joking with someone else who has insomnia, we were talking about our evening "cocktails", how every night we look at an array of pills and herbals and whatnot and try to guess which combo will work tonight. So far, I am not guessing very well at all. 

I received an email last night from a friend who said she hoped I was more relaxed now, that got my back up. I fired off a reply saying relaxing was not my problem, imagine having a bad 'flu for months/years on end and maybe that would convey a little of how I feel. Saying that to her feels like crushing baby bunnies, I know she means well she just misses the point. But I'm tired of it.

Okay, I remember now one of the things the doctor thought I should do: apply to get CBT-I (cognitive behaviour therapy for insomnia) at the regional hospital. And get my blood sugar checked, I am apparently now in the "pre-diabetic" range. Still can't remember the final thing, or at least I think it's the final thing. Good thing I have that piece of paper … somewhere.

March news

Not much has happened in the last week, either that or my memory is shot to hell and I just don't remember what has happened.

My neighbour told me that the trees behind our houses have been full of Cedar Waxwings so I have been keeping an eye out for them and sure enough they arrived when I had my camera ready. They twitter like a crowd of grasshoppers. From a distance they don't look like much, easy to mistake for starlings. but up closer you see their crests and bright yellow bits, they are very pretty birds that like to hang out in large groups. They also are not that shy, they didn't mind me coming close to the trees they were perched in.

March came in like a lion, cold and blustery; let's hope it leaves like a lamb. I managed to get in a bit of skating, highly unusual for March, but the area of the pond that is skatable is so small that the time it took to put on and take off my skates was probably longer than the time I actually spent skating.

Remember B, my friend in the nursing home? Well, she finally got her first vaccination shot this week. They had promised it for early February. She has an appointment for the second shot in early April, just days before she plans to attend her daughter's funeral. Yes, her daughter died, cause not really known, she was found dead in her apartment. She was probably as unwell as B and she had stopped taking her insulin about a month before she died. Very sad. Also very hard on B, they spoke on the phone dozens of times every day. 

B's daughter was not mobile so she couldn't visit B even before the pandemic except on major holidays (Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving). The funeral is being held in the small village where B raised her family; a local funeral director is taking care of all the details and it will all be done at no cost to B. The daughter wanted to be buried with her husband but she will be buried with her father instead, since B could not make arrangements in the town where her son-in-law was buried. They are one hard-luck family.

My brother sent me a couple of photos that he had scanned of the house my parents lived in right after I was born. One photo shows me and my parents (and their two dogs, Gunner and Tigger) in front of the house, probably around 1949, and the other is what that house looked like in 1986. At the time I lived in Ottawa and on a visit my parents showed me where the house was. So, looking at the more recent photo and knowing that it was somewhere near the river shore in that village, I used Streetview to find it by following all the streets that were close to the water on the map of the area. It's still there. It looks a little bit like the house I live in now.

Reading and trade offs

Hapi seems to be having some difficulty with pain, I discussed it with her vet and the vet prescribed gabapentin. She warned that the gabapentin would make Hapi "loopy". Coincidentally my own doctor prescribed something for me to combat nerve pain, and I have to say it's making me feel "loopy" too. I am thinking that almost any medication for nerve pain is going to have that side effect. Personally, I'd rather deal with pain than loopiness. My level of pain is relatively low, perhaps if it was much higher I'd be more willing to accept loopiness. I don't know how Hapi feels about that trade off.

We were late arriving at the Reservoir yesterday (due to loopiness); several dogs and owners were just leaving as we arrived. Hapi insisted on following the crowd back to the parking lot. One owner commented that Hapi just wanted to hang out with the other dogs, I said that it was more likely that she knew some of those dogs were going to be fed treats when they got back to the cars and she wanted to be in on that. I let her follow her nose and she managed to scarf up a few treats before everyone left and we went for our walk in the park. The trails are getting icy but the pond is no longer skatable.

Today is probably the coldest day of the year. The thermometer is in deep subzero territory and the wind is at blizzard levels. Not a lot of snow though. Yesterday was (relatively) warm and wet so between the rain and the melting snow we now have lots of ice. I took Hapi out for a walk early this morning because the forecast was for falling temperatures and rising wind speeds. Sure enough, lots of icy trails. I tried to stay in the woods to avoid the worst of the wind. I am grateful for Lee Valley Icers, the old lady's (and old man's) friend.

Hope for Wildlife emailed me that my blue jay does not have a broken wing or foot but appears to be suffering from head trauma. Now I am thinking that I did not run over it with my car after all, but that it crashed into one of my house windows near the bird feeder (and driveway). No blue jays have shown up at my bird feeder since then, I think they now consider it too dangerous. I met a friend on the street who lives a few blocks away, she says that recently there are twice as many blue jays at her feeder and they are eating her out of house and home. 

I just finished reading Metazoa: Animal Life and the Birth of Mind (2020), by Peter Godfrey-Smith. The evolution of consciousness, or mind, is a theme Godfrey-Smith also wrote about in in his previous book, Other Minds: the Octopus, the Sea and the Origin of Consciousness (2016). In the earlier book Godfrey-Smith focuses on octopus consciousness and how that might have evolved; in the more recent book he looks at the evolution of consciousness in general. He discusses what consciousness is and whether non-human animals have the same kind of consciousness that we have, and if not, how does it differ. 

I like his writing style, his apparent scientific knowledge particularly of the theory of evolution, his philosophical slant on that knowledge and the huge resource of his scuba diving experience on the Australian Great Barrier Reef. Of course he includes photos taken on some of those dives. His focus is on the early development of life in the sea, he gives short shrift to more recent development of modern land-based animals. I like that because so much of writing about biological evolution is focussed on land-based animals which is really a relatively recent development. Most of our modern biological processes were first developed in an ocean environment and only much later modified and adapted for land-based life.

Bad news, good news

Even the statues around here have to wear masks

Bad news: yet another Covid exposure. Same grocery store, different day/time.
Good news: It took exactly 2 hours to find out, book a test, get tested, and be back home again.
Bad news: ran over a blue jay backing into my driveway after dark, after the test. It scuffled away from me in the snow so I left it.
Good news: Bird gone in the morning.
Bad news: Crow sitting on a snowbank in the front yard making funny noises, I took another look and saw the blue jay lying in the snow.
Good news: The jay moved, it was still alive, so I went outside and brought it indoors to warm up. It obviously can't fly, maybe its wing is broken? At least no visible blood.

Scuffle marks in the snow where the crow was "investigating" the blue jay

I went on the internet to see what to do about the bird and it turns out there is a wildlife rescue and rehab organization in this province, Hope for Wildlife. I texted them. I put the bird on a towel in a box in my windowless bathroom with the lights off and the door ajar. Hapi won't go through a doorway unless the door is wide open, she was asleep anyway. Two hours later someone from Hope for Wildlife called me and said they would send a volunteer over to pick the bird up. 

Where I found the blue jay, still alive

Good news: The volunteer arrived promptly, so I retrieved the bird in the box from the bathroom.
Bad news: The bird had revived somewhat and was really scared, it jumped out of the box and flew down the stairs into the basement.
Good news: The volunteer came in with a net and we found and captured the bird, who was by now quite feisty. We put the bird in a better box it couldn't get out of. Maybe its wing is not broken after all.

Not only would Hope for Wildlife try to rehabilitate the bird, they gave me a case number so I could email and find out how it was doing. I asked if they could release it here when it was better so it could rejoin its buddies, the volunteer said that's what they try to do. I am so impressed with this organization. It was founded by a woman named Hope and there are some videos about their work on Youtube.

More good news: Covid test came back negative, in under 36 hours.
Bad news: Went skating and fell on my bad knee.
Good news: Knee seems okay, I was able to skate a bit more after I fell.
Bad news: I picked up a prescription and they shorted me, label said 90 tablets but only 30 in the bottle. On the phone they said they'd check their numbers to see if they made a mistake. Whaddaya mean?!? Of course you made a mistake!
More bad news: I got a bill for a repair that was supposedly free under warranty, but they had this whole rationale for why it wasn't really covered! I argued but to no avail.
Good news: Got a shipping confirmation for my second order of garden seeds.
Bad news: What happened to the first order? I called their Customer Service number and waited a really long time, only to have them tell me that order was "back ordered". Back ordered?!? I thought they grew the seeds themselves! How can they be "back ordered"?!? 

Good/bad news: They took away the dog tree and replaced it with a bench for putting ice grippers on your boots.

Good news: They left the dog ornaments (Hapi's is on the far right).

Good news: An online birthday party for one of my sons. 
Bad news: I discovered I had gone deaf in one ear just that day! What?!? Stress maybe?!? 

Good news: I'm not deaf this morning.

Ice and illness

Ice storm yesterday, a mix of snow, ice pellets, freezing rain, rain and wind. Overnight the temperature rose and then fell so it was below zero in the evening and the morning but apparently quite warm in between. Now there is a thick layer of ice on the ground everywhere. I get around okay with my Icers but Hapi has some difficulty with it. I spread sand on the driveway but I still need to sand the steps she uses to get into the back yard. Also the front steps. I don't use them much in the winter time but I try to keep them clear just in case.

I was late to the Reservoir this morning, I met some of the dog walkers as they were just leaving. I recently gave a whole bunch of back issues of The New Yorker magazine to A, a dog walker in her 90s, now every time I see her she thanks me for them, she is really enjoying them. The nice thing about that magazine is that it doesn't have to be current to be enjoyable reading. I used to take my magazines to the library when I was finished with them but the library stopped accepting them when the pandemic started. A told me she used to go to the library to read The New Yorker and then with the pandemic they stopped having them. She was reading my magazines. Meanwhile I was stockpiling them in hopes of finding someone who would enjoy them since I hated to just throw them in the recycling. So we are both happy.

I had a doctor appointment yesterday morning but there was no way I was driving in freezing rain, so I was able to get the appointment changed from an in-person to a phone appointment. Yay Covid; never could have done that before. Last week I had an MRI brain scan and yesterday the doctor told me that my brain was old but normal, no signs of any abnormalities. I wasn't really surprised, I've been moving away from that idea anyway. She also offered referrals to a neurologist and to a clinic that specializes in complex chronic diseases and I accepted both. She cautioned me that the neurology referral will take two years to come about; yay Nova Scotia. I hope the other referral will be quicker but I am not holding my breath. She thinks I should try a tricyclic antidepressant for neuropathic pain. I am very wary of antidepressants in general, I will try it but I am pretty fed up with drugs that cause unpleasant side effects. My illness is just one giant unpleasant side effect, I don't need any more thank you very much.

Sometimes I think that Hapi's health and mine are somehow linked, that we have the same problems at the same time. I wonder if it's something in the water we both drink? Or if it's some kind of woo-woo psychic link? Or I am just projecting? I am fed up with not being well, not being able to skate or ski. I can still walk but I pay a price for that in fatigue. In the midst of the storm yesterday there was a brief period when no precipitation was falling from the sky and the road was not too icy. I had run out of milk so I walked down town to buy some. I wanted it to be a quick trip so I did not wake Hapi. It was quick, but the walk back up the hill was completely debilitating. I am so tired of this.

Winter Coatless

Hapi's fur is slowly growing in, it's about 2-3 cm (1-1.5") long now. Some of her outer coat is black so she is starting to darken along her flanks. The new fur is quite coarse compared to the old fur on her face, I suppose because the hair ends are blunt due to having been cut.

There's another old dog at the Reservoir who got shaved at the beginning of the winter, he's a Golden Retriever. With his shaved coat he looks like an oversized puppy. I saw him the other day along with three smaller dogs. Hapi and all the small dogs were wearing their store-bought winter coats, the Golden was coatless.

I said something to the owner about him being the only dog without a coat, the owner said, "We don't need no stinkin' coat!"

It was true, the Golden's fur was short but thick and he seemed pretty happy.

So I'm hoping that soon Hapi can go without too. It was warm enough this afternoon to go out coatless.

I made snowshoe trails in my backyard for Hapi to get around in the deep snow, but she doesn't use them much because they are not as hard-packed as the ones in the woods. 

We had a big dump of snow and it has stayed cold since then so the snow has stayed too. But tomorrow we are getting rain and freezing rain, and temperatures will warm up. Having the deep snow has been really nice but I think we are now headed into ice and slush. Such is a Maritime winter.

Snowstorm

Big snowstorm overnight Sunday into Monday, about 47 cm (16") on the ground by the end. High winds blew it into thick drifts. One of the students next door helped me shovel out my car and then my snow plough guy came and cleared out the rest of the driveway. In the process he took out half a dozen bricks I was using as a border between the garden and the driveway, and dumped them somewhere. I found one in a big pile of snow on my front lawn and two more across the street, but couldn't find the rest. The ones across the street would have been in the path of the sidewalk plough which came by later, so who knows where the rest of them are.

I think almost everybody was busy clearing snow on Monday. The student who helped me borrowed my shovels (I have 4! They all do different things!) to do her driveway, and then later a student across the street borrowed one. I told a friend about it and mentioned that the student across the street liked to throw loud parties; the next time he does that I am going to remind him ("Remember me? The Shovel Lady?"). My friend said I should take the shovel with me to his next party. Just as a reminder.

Today we went to the Reservoir for a walk, the snow was deep but the snowshoers had cleared some trails. It was blindingly beautiful: sun, blue sky, white snow, black trees. We met up with some other dogs and owners and all walked together, single file in the narrow snowshoe trails. One dog, a young tan-and-white Springer Spaniel named Jerry (Jerry Springer) was enjoying dashing through the snow, while Hapi and her buddy Owen (a Bernese Mountain Dog) plodded along behind the humans, because the trail is so much better after a few humans have stamped it down.

Unfortunately it was hard work for Hapi and her left rear leg is not great, she kept slipping off the trail into the deeper snow. At one point she gave up and just lay down in the trail. After a minute or so of rest she was able to get back up, but at that point we decided to head straight back to the car, enough was enough. I kept her in front of me so I could catch her if she fell again. Jerry the spaniel bumped her a few times racing to get by her so she switched to a parallel trail. Then we met up with a young husky who romped with Jerry. Huskies are hard to control and usually kept on leash but this one had a radio-controlled collar so the owner could let it run. Turns out the husky's name was Winter.

Newfoundland is having a Covid outbreak. First New Brunswick and now Newfoundland, it feels like the walls are closing in. Scary.

This'n'that

Thursday nights I watch a Prime Video show with two of my sons via the Watch Party feature and afterward we chat about it and other things. They're in a different time zone and not available until early evening their time (late evening my time) so it's a bit exhausting the next day but kind of worth it. I enjoy having those regular conversations, and I don't really care about the quality of the show we are watching, I now realize, because it is just one more thing to talk about. So the fact that the show was kind of disappointing was okay, we all agreed on its shortfalls and tried to pick out a few good points in it.

For our online chat we have been using an app that one of my sons uses all the time for online video games, and we will be able to use it to watch shows streaming from other sites if we want to. My son demonstrated that by showing us a video game he has been playing.

One happy thing I learned is that my youngest son has been accepted at two different colleges for a teaching degree. He's waiting on the third which is the one he really wants to attend. Apparently the pandemic has burnt out so many teachers that governments are desperate to hire/train more. A year ago he was turned down pretty summarily when he applied for entry, now they are chasing him. In the mean time he has been tutoring, first in person and then online, so I think he can handle it. Teaching is something he really wants to do.

A day of snow followed by rain followed by double digit warm temperatures has put an end to skating for now. If we were to get a prolonged cold snap we might see more skating but I kind of doubt it. The pond rink looks like toast. On the really warm day I took Hapi out without her coat and she was fine. I passed a couple of people who muttered, "What breed of dog is that?" Nobody would guess she was a malamute. 

Yesterday we visited Muddy's, a convenience store on Main Street whose owner loves Hapi, he was dumbfounded by her new look. He couldn't keep from laughing, and he grabbed every customer in his store to show them Hapi. Good thing he gave her lots of treats. These days she's a sucker for dog treats.

A friend's dog died two days ago. Buddy was a Rottweiler, a year younger than Hapi. He was always a sick dog, Addison's I think, but she nursed him along for a very long time. Now she's a wreck. Buddy wanted to be friends with Hapi but Hapi wanted nothing to do with him. I didn't want to take a chance on it, if they got into a fight Buddy would have destroyed her. He was a sweet dog with people, but a bit iffy with other dogs, kind of like Hapi in her youth. It was hard to predict how they'd be if they ever were allowed together.

Winter Sunday

There is something about a winter Sunday that's peaceful and timeless. Everything is white and black, traffic is in a lull, lots of people are staying indoors because of the cold, so the outdoors looks bare and empty. It seems like it will never end.

In the morning while waiting for Hapi to wake up I decided to go for a walk by myself. Soon enough this will be my daily experience. I walked in a part of the Acadia woods that would take Hapi a very long time to get to because she walks so slowly. While out in the woods I ran into E with her dog Lulu, a Great Pyrenees. Lulu has gotten into trouble at the Reservoir enough times that E doesn't go there anymore. A nice dog but big and excitable. It was nice to walk with E and Lulu, a little bit of dog-fix plus catching up with E whom I haven't seen in a while.

Shortly after I got home Hapi was ready to go out so we drove to the Reservoir. We were late, a few people I often walk with were just leaving, but that's okay, we go on the ravine trails when there's no one else around. Hapi perks right up on the ravine trails, she goes faster than me. Then I went skating.

By the time we emerged from the ravine there were lots of people already on the ice, kids, parents and dogs. Somebody brought a portable barbecue and the smell of burning charcoal was starting to waft over the ice. Hapi hung around hoping for a snack. There were tiny toddlers racing down the ice on teeny tiny skates and older kids carefully picking there way on new-to-them skates. Big kids with hockey sticks and pucks, one hockey net and a pair of boots set up as goal posts, and some "rink rats" clearing powdered snow off the track.

On Saturday I was out on the ice the afternoon while Hapi slept at home, I met a friend who brought her kick sled. It's a Swedish thing, two ski-length long blades with a high-backed chair joining the blades at the front. There are a couple of pads on the blades behind the chair that you can stand on, you hold the back of the chair and you kick the sled along with one foot, like a scooter. The blades are long and flexible so you can steer by bending them. I tried it out and then my friend pushed me around while I sat in the chair. She said that in Sweden they don't clear the ice off the sidewalks, everyone has a kick sled to get around on.

There's a constant stream of people coming and going, you can only skate for so long before your feet turn into blocks of ice so very few people stay for the entire day. I usually only skate for half an hour but lots of people skate longer. They enlarged the parking lot this past summer but it is still way too small, there are lots of cars parked on the street. It is so great to see all ages of people out there, skating, playing and learning to skate.

Covid test

I had to get a Covid test last weekend. The results came back negative Tuesday morning, 36 hours after the test. It was relatively quick and easy to do, any discomfort was on a par with getting a needle: unpleasant but brief.

The local university required students returning after the Christmas break to quarantine for two weeks and get a Covid test around the 7th day of quarantine. Last September they were requiring quarantining students to get three tests at the beginning, middle and end of the quarantine period but this time only one test was required. So one student in residence did as required and the first day after his quarantine period he went grocery shopping. As it happened so did I, within the same time frame. A few days later the grocery store was declared an exposure site, I checked my grocery store receipt and booked the Covid test. I didn't have to self-isolate because they said it was a low risk exposure due to everyone being required to wear masks at the store and only a certain number of people allowed in at a time. I've never found it crowded.

At the Reservoir I told a couple of people and they all said they never shop at that grocery store, they go to an out-of-town farm market instead. Students generally don't go to farm markets. All well and good so long as you don't need something that only a grocery store carries. I guess I could have ordered stuff for delivery but it's a pain and you don't always get what you want. I try to keep a grocery list but that week I went to the grocery store three times because I kept forgetting to add stuff to the list.

With the kerfuffle over vaccine production happening in Europe, vaccination rates here have come almost to a halt. Canada stopped manufacturing its own vaccines back in the day when it was deemed not cost effective to make your own when you could just order it from another country. Ha. I see that my age group will now not get vaccinated before the summer, if then. Having everyone vaccinated by September is looking overly optimistic, probably only achievable if we all get it in August. Ha.

I am starting to have some sympathy for conspiracy theory believers, reading the official news about the vaccine is starting to sound more and more like double talk. I try to keep my head down and not think about it.

I've been skating regularly but because this is an uncommonly mild winter the ice quality is poor. I am very grateful I got out on the ice when it was fresh because it was near perfect then. The fact that Hapi is not afraid to walk on it is an indicator of how bad it is, not slippery at all. I debate taking up X-country skiing instead but frankly I barely have the energy for skating, I know for sure skiing would wipe me out altogether.

Mal on the loose

Exhausted dog in her bed

I got to go skating two days in a row and it was great. I was going to go skating on Friday but out of the blue a big snowstorm arrived. Caught everyone by surprise, even the weatherman. It was a nice storm, hardly any wind and big light fluffy snowflakes, but a serious dump of snow that closed schools early and took most cars off the road. A few people who went out early got to skate on the pond in an inch of fluffy snow. That was my dogwalk time so I didn't bring skates and within an hour there was too much snow on the ice anyway.

Later in the afternoon I wanted to go downtown to check my mail. In this town there's no mail delivery, you pick up your mail at the post office. But you can only go during regular office hours so Friday afternoon is the last chance of the week. I'm waiting for a seed catalog and was hoping it was here, but it wasn't. I planned to walk down without Hapi because I wasn't sure she had the stamina for a round trip down and up the hill. However she hauled herself out of bed as I was getting ready to leave, so I took her.

Boy was she excited! A walk in the snowstorm, her favourite thing! She pranced all the way down the hill. With the snow and the snow plough it was a bit greasy under foot and she was pulling on the leash but I managed to stay upright. On the way back up the hill she went into high gear. Refused to walk on the sidewalk, had to walk in the middle of the road. Several times I had to yank her to the kerb to get out of the way of the few cars that were sliding around on the steep hill. As soon as we reached a quieter street I gave up trying to slow her down, and let her off leash. It was getting scary, I nearly slipped and fell a couple of times trying to keep pace.

She took off like a bat out of hell, straight up the hill all the way home. Well not quite, she stopped at one house to check out their backyard. But it was amazing to see, she hasn't run like that in over a year. When I got home she was running around the yard in the deep snow, still excited and just burning off energy.

Of course she slept the rest of the day, she had used up all her spoons and then some. Crazy dog.

First skate

I went skating on the pond yesterday. I was the only person skating, the ice was smooth, clear and trackless. It was a joy to be out there, I imagine the feeling is similar to what downhill skiers experience. In the photo above, all the marks on the ice are mine.

Hapi watched from the shore.

Later, more skaters arrived. A young man brought an axe and a metal pole to measure the ice thickness, his mother was there with a long rope in case he went through the ice. It was 5" thick. I had seen a father and son skating the day before, I thought since there was no hole indicating that they had fallen through that it was probably safe to skate on. The last couple of nights have been really cold and the daytime temperature has not exceeded 0C.

The moon over the ice

Yes it was a risky thing to do, but soooo worth it. There were a couple of Parks Maintenance guys working near the pond, I thought if I did go through the ice, they could probably help me out.

Later I walked Hapi on the trail around the pond and met someone who asked if it was me who was out there skating. I said Yes and she said, You don't have to skate alone, call me and I'll go skating with you. I didn't know what to say so I just said Sure. It was such a thrill to have the pond to myself, skating alone was not a downer.

When I first went out on the ice my skates were a bit loose. The first time skating each year I always get them either too loose or too tight so I have to stop to adjust. I decided to skate to 'The Heron House' and adjust them there. This is my own private name for the spot where I saw the heron on the shore the first weekend of December. It turns out that it is a small clearing on the shore and there is a path leading out to it that you can only see when the trees and bushes have all dropped their leaves. I have walked out there several times since December and I feel like I am experiencing the world through that heron's eyes when I am there. So I call it The Heron House.

Ducks on ice

The snow started Wednesday afternoon and by Thursday morning we were blanketed in it. Overnight it warmed up so the snow was not light and fluffy but heavy and wet. I spent some time shovelling the stuff, then drove to a nearby farmer's market to pick up sweet cider that was on sale for one day only. I bought two jugs, one for me and one for the girl next door who helped me shovel the snow.

One of the two Reservoir ponds froze over completely a few days ago when it was bitterly cold, the other smaller pond only half froze. Now all the ducks are crowded into the half frozen pond, and for some reason they prefer to stand on the ice than float on the water. Who can guess what goes on in the mind of a duck?

When the small pond is frozen completely the ducks will leave. A few will come back in the spring, but the majority will not return until next fall.

I photographed the Reservoir Dog Tree before the snowfall. Hapi's ornament is in the upper right, I printed her name on it but not very well.

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I am trying an experiment, a technology Sabbath. Technically, the Sabbath runs from Friday night to Saturday night, but I have chosen Sunday as my technology Sabbath. Basically, no screens. Last Sunday I turned off the wifi, the computer and the tablet. I turned off my cell phone data and also text messaging; the only thing I could use the cell phone for was voice calls. I decided to leave that function on. I could have used the phone camera but decided that was too screen-y. Most of my books now are e-books, so no reading online. My evening entertainment is watching Netflix and Prime shows on my computer, none of that either.

The hardest part was not having TV shows in the evening. Reading while eating one's supper is not easy, I listened to the radio instead. Mostly CBC's Cross Country Checkup. I went through my library of paper books and picked out a couple of novels that I didn't mind rereading, so I would have something for reading in bed. One small glitch: I was going to do some baking in the afternoon but most of my recipes are now on the tablet. I was able to do something that I had committed to memory, but one recipe (Chocolate Chip Zucchini Bread) I had to postpone to another day since I did not have recipe memorized.

It was a successful experiment which I will repeat again tomorrow. I learned a few things about myself, one of which is that I am addicted to weather reports: I constantly check the weather online throughout the day. It felt weird not to know what the forecast was, or whether there was any precipitation showing up on the weather radar.