Odds and Ends

Unexpected landscaping issues, don't ask

I started buying a dog food kibble called PC Nutrition First Sensitive Skin and Stomach, and Hapi seemed to tolerate it well. I asked the manager of our local small grocery store if he could start carrying it, he asked how much I would buy in a month and I told him, then he had his son check to see if he could order it. He can and he will, one bag a month just for Hapi. On the front of the bag is a picture of a dog which at first I thought was a Husky. But one day while examining the picture more closely I realized it was not a Husky but a Malamute, I recognized the yellow-brown eyes and the "snow nose" (black with a pink stripe in the middle). How cute I thought, she gets dog food with her picture on it.

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My brother called to tell me that our eldest maternal cousin had just died, peacefully in his sleep at age 77. First of my generation in this family to go. Who's next? I don't keep in very good touch with cousins, nor they with me, so it's good that the brothers keep me up to date. It just so happened that my brother called me when I was doing a back-of-the-envelope calculation of my current financial status. My thinking is, if I have ms then my life span is shortened, by an average of 7 years according to the internet. Also according to the internet (I use that phrase to indicate how tenuous and suspect such "facts" are) the average life expectancy for a woman with ms is 77 (the sevens! all those sevens!). I'm 72, 77-72=5, all of a sudden I am rich! Relatively speaking.

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I got quite depressed on Saturday, racing circular thoughts driving me deeper into that morass. I thought I'd like to have a nice glass of wine to short circuit the racing circles but had to read my homeopathic instructions to see whether I was allowed. A brief moment of glee when I read that alcohol was about the only exception to the restrictions, as long as it was moderate of course. Of course! One glass of wine is enough to put me under the table, one glass is moderate, right? So I did. Early enough in the evening that I could go to bed reasonably sober. Now I have a whole open bottle of wine (less one glass) to deal with. 

I spoke to a dog walking friend the next day about it. I only know her and her husband through dog walking, we otherwise have no connection to each other, but somehow we have gotten close enough that we actually talk about some pretty serious stuff in our lives that we might not discuss with anyone else. She laughed at my one-glass-of-wine binge.

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Autumn colours peaked last week, we're now into the "here-comes-winter" part of autumn: colder, greyer, much shorter daylight hours. Hapi couldn't be Hapi-er. She prances again, tail flag high. But sleeps a lot and is really slow to get going in the morning, we're lucky if we manage to get to the Reservoir before 10.30 am.

Speaking of which, the other day I saw a man by himself there just sitting on a bench with what looked like his cell phone in his hands. Looking closer I realized it was a controller and he was flying a drone over the ponds. He started to leave as Hapi and I were leaving and I asked him about his drone. He was quite excited to tell me about it and when we got to the parking lot he gave me his Youtube name on a slip of paper so I could look up some of his drone videos.

Here's one he did at the Reservoir earlier this summer. I've looked at some of his other videos, he obviously loves living in this area, and also playing with his toy. The pond I was swimming in appears on the left at 0:35 and 1:27 min, and also at 2:18 min.  At 1:27 you get a sense of the size of that pond, I was doing up to 4 lengths in that one. The other smaller pond with the little beach is where Hapi likes to go.

To ms or not to ms

Duck tracks

Saw the homeopath this morning, roughly a 2 hour consult. At the end she called me a "well-rounded case"; I am not sure exactly what she meant by that but I am guessing she meant that all the symptoms we talked about fit together well and she could identify an appropriate remedy. I went home with a little bottle of water with a tiny grain of the remedy dissolved in it. We shall see what we shall see. I am supposed to phone her next week and then come in for a second in-person appointment the following week.

Duck tracks too

She was nice, observant and asked appropriate questions, at the end I felt that we hadn't left anything out. She said she doesn't like to use medical labels since it kind of goes against homeopathic philosphy, where she is treating the whole person not a selection of symptoms grouped together under a single label. And since what I think I have is kind of a systemic whole-person thing, that seems appropriate.

Decision path

What I think I have is multiple sclerosis (MS), and that I have had it for nigh on 20 years. In the first episode my doctor at the time thought either post-viral syndrome or chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS). That episode only lasted 5-6 months, so not long enough to qualify as CFS. After recovery I was free of it for over ten years, and in that time I moved across the country and no longer had a doctor at all. If I had stayed where I was with the same doctor, chances are he would have diagnosed the thing correctly, the episodic nature of this illness is fairly unique. Not having a GP I went to a walk-in clinic and the doctor there ordered bloodwork and was kind enough to make sure I got a copy. Nothing showed up.

Decision path too

By the third episode seven years later I had a GP but saw no point in going to her because I didn't think it would help and the doctor would just tell me it was all in my head anyway. Which it kind of is, but no matter, I didn't go. That was two years ago.

This way?

So this is the fourth episode, and so far only the homeopath knows that, I haven't really had a chance to talk to an MD about it, mostly because it is so difficult to get an appointment and the appointment only lasts 15 minutes before the doctor starts looking at her watch and hustling me out the door. Sadly we don't have a healthcare system that provides for automatic passing on of health records to the next doctor. I did a bit of internet research in the absence of a doctor to talk to and quite by accident came across the description of MS which I thought fit me to a T. The relapsing-remitting kind (RRMS), which is the most common kind.

Or that?

The homeopath mentioned that she also has something similar, although she did not give it a name since that goes against her philosophy. In any case, it is difficult to get a diagnosis and can take years to accomplish. It involves numerous tests, including lumbar puncture and MRI. However, the fact that I have now had more than two episodes is pretty close to definitive. I like having a label, it's hard to tell friends the reason they haven't seen me lately is because of some nameless "condition" (aren't you better yet?). "MS" pretty much says it all. I don't like what I've learned about current treatments for this, it all sounds way too much like chemotherapy: lots of nasty side effects. So really, I don't need an official diagnosis if I am unwilling to do the proper treatments for it.

Colour

We've made it to the Reservoir a couple of times since my last post, as I said Hapi has good days and bad days. On Sunday the colours were magnificent. They still are, but Sunday was a blue sky day that made for stunning contrasts of primary colours: red, blue and yellow. There were lots of people without dogs there, just enjoying the colours. A friend was telling me that she really liked the reds, and I said the yellows were nice too because particularly on a cloudy day they brighten everything up.

The ducks

The ducks are back, males are in the majority. There's a bit of courting going on for the few remaining unattached females. I saw one couple doing their head nodding courting routine, and a male halfway across the pond came zooming over to interrupt the proceedings. It's very competitive out there. The bald eagles are more present as well, always on the lookout for an opportunity. Such lovely killers.

The eagle tree, with eagle flying just behind and to the left of it

I am going to see a homeopath tomorrow. Expensive, but I had good luck with one I saw a couple of decades ago with the same symptoms. In preparation for tomorrow's appointment I had to fill out a form about my medical history and what I was currently experiencing. An interesting process. Our healthcare system does not allow for automatic universal medical records, whether your medical records get passed from one GP to the next entirely depends on your own efforts. I've experienced a couple of gaps of years without a GP, and by the time I get a new GP I am not sure I want to pursue getting old records forwarded. And certainly all the new GPs I've had displayed zero interest in my past medical history.

I don't know how valid homeopathy is, it certainly does not fit with any science that I am familliar with. However, at least homeopaths are interested in knowing your past health history, whether physical, mental or emotional. The one I will be seeing works out of a clinic that includes other health practitioners, including a GP. The appointment is expected to last 2 hours.

Not today

Hapi and I are both feeling crappy. This is the first time in a long time that she has refused to go for a morning walk; she won't even come out of her doghouse. I don't feel all that great either, but I was willing to go for a morning walk with her at the least. When she refused to come out I was kind of at loose ends, it just doesn't feel right to not start the day off with a walk. I do have other things to do, I just have a hard time wrapping my head around no morning walk today.

She would look at me and lick her lips each time I called. Her way of saying, "Thanks but no thanks."

Of brooks and wildlife dramas

On Monday I had to go to the hospital for a head CT scan first thing in the morning so I took Hapi along and we went for a walk in the local ravine afterward. We had not been there for over a year and the changes were substantial. 

Crossing the brook

The ravine is an old growth hemlock forest with a brook running through it and a long trail that follows and crisscrosses the brook in several places. Over the years trees have fallen in windstorms and the brook has found ways to go around or over blockages thus created. There have been several significant storms since we were last there so the brook has moved considerably. At one location the brook was undercutting the trail so that it had narrowed from six feet to less than three with one foot of that over the undercut. It was just a matter of time before the trail collapsed completely, but then due to a blockage upstream the brook moved so far away you could not even see where it had gone.

There used to be a bridge here

Originally the ravine belonged to the local agricultural research station, and the director of the station liked to take his dog for walks in the ravine; consequently it was one of the only de facto off-leash areas for dogs in the whole county (our reservoir is the other one). However maintenance of the bridges over the brook became a big problem, they were crumbling and the county's building code changed to the point that the research station could no longer afford repairs. So they gifted the ravine to the county, and the county promptly made it a requirement that all dogs must be leashed there. This was not really enforceable since the only access to the ravine was a steep slippery path, and an animal control officer would have to go down there regularly to ensure compliance. Dog walkers carried leashes and the lack of an understory in the old growth forest meant you could see someone (e.g., an animal control officer) coming from a great distance.

This ravine is where Hapi first learned how to get along with other dogs. Newly separated from her larger brother at 5 years old, all she knew about other dogs was how to fight them. She had a Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde personality, gentle as can be with humans of all sizes but a ferocious beast with dogs that challenged her superiority. Here in this ravine she met a host of other dogs, watched them play together and learned to get along without fighting. Apparently other owners of aggressive dogs had a similar experience, this was the one place where an aggressive dog stood down.

The ravine brook used to have several ponds along the way where Hapi liked to immerse herself but they are all gone now, partly due to changes in the brook's path and partly due to a very dry summer and fall in spite of various heavy rainstorms. We met a few people with their dogs on this walk, leashes hanging over human shoulders.

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Falcon on dead tree pole

Later that day we walked in the woods behind the university. At a certain point I heard a raucous blue jay call and looking around I saw the jay in a nearby tree. Then I saw the cause of its warning cries, a small falcon sitting on top of a standing dead tree. There were hardly any branches left on the tree pole and its top was just wide and flat enough for the falcon to perch there and look around for prey. Shortly I caught the motion of a small red squirrel circling the base of the tree, then it started climbing the tree. 

Squirrel headed up, falcon hasn't seen it yet

I wondered if it realized the falcon was at the top. The little squirrel, probably a youngster, would climb a few feet upward then back down a bit. It continued this way to a branch a little below the falcon. By this time the falcon had noticed it and was leaning over to watch it ascend. The squirrel looked up at the falcon from its vantage point on the branch and then continued its upward journey. It knew the falcon was there, but was just too curious to stop! 

Now the falcon has spotted the squirrel

The falcon continued to watch, I tried to photograph the event and the squirrel got within a couple of feet of the falcon before it finally lost its nerve and scooted back down the tree. The falcon flew away and the jay fell silent.

Squirrel booting it back down the tree

Adventures in pandemic healthcare

Hapi watching the goldfish

I'm still sick. Last Monday I called my doctor to make an appointment and the receptionist asked me what my symptoms were. Then she said that two of my symptoms were on the Covid-19 list so I should call 811 to get a test. The earliest appointment she could give me with my doctor was end of October in person or early November by phone. Crazy. I didn't think that I had Covid, but in the spirit of touching all bases I called 811. Twenty minutes later I was talking to a human. The human said, after asking a bunch of questions, that I only had one symptom on the list (headache) and that did not qualify me to be tested (one very serious or two less serious). He also complimented me on the youthful sound of my voice and I said that right about now I sure wasn't feeling very youthful, but thanks anyway. 

The human told me that a public health nurse would call me within 12 hours, which meant anytime before 2.00am. I said I wouldn't be answering the phone after 10.00pm. Apparently public health nurses do actually work 24 hours a day, so a 2.00am call was a real possibility. Fortunately the public health nurse called me around 8.00pm. She asked pretty much the same questions as the first responder to my call and reiterated that I was not eligible for testing. However, she said, she could triage my symptoms if I liked and tell me how to proceed. Sure, why not? 

After a long detailed series of questions she said I needed to see a doctor within 2-3 days. Also, she wanted me to call back my doctor's receptionist to tell her to check the current list of Covid symptoms being tested before referring anyone to 811, and to make sure that my doctor was aware of my symptoms. Since I couldn't get an appointment with my doctor in less than a month, she recommended that I make an appointment at the nearest walk-in clinic. I was surprised by that but she told me that all the walk-in clinics were working on an appointment basis now. 

The two goldfish, one hiding under some debris

After getting off the phone with the nurse I did call the walk-in clinic that evening and someone answered but said there were no appointments available. I was told that I should call back in the morning to make an appointment for later that day. I did that, but it took multiple calls to get through. They don't have a wait queue on the phone, you have to keep calling back until you get a live person. I did that and eventually got through, again I was told that I would be called back by a public health nurse, some time later that day. Since a real appointment was what was on the line, I couldn't afford to miss that call. I cancelled everything that day—it was very warm and I was hoping to go swimming, oh well too bad for me—to wait for that call, which didn't come until around 6.00pm. The nurse questioned me about my purpose in seeing a doctor and then said she'd talk to the doctor about whether he wanted to do a phone or in person appointment. Almost immediately after the doctor called me. He asked a bunch of questions and then said he wanted to do a technique to diagnose vertigo; I should come in and he'd fit me in between other appointments.

So I did, he eventually performed the manoeuvre, but the results were inconclusive. He suggested I get a head CT scan. I reluctantly agreed, thinking that with wait times being what they are I had a couple of months to decide whether I really wanted to do that. No such luck. The very next day I got called about an appointment early in the morning two days later. I was shocked. I asked if it could be postponed, you know, like maybe a few weeks from now? But no, I couldn't do that because the doctor had marked it 'Urgent'. Really? Anyway, I did manage to get her to postpone it to a slightly more reasonable time of the morning another three days later. So tomorrow morning I go for a CT scan.

The next day I called the receptionist to relay the 811 public health nurse's message, she said she'd make sure my doctor was aware of the situation. I went swimming in the afternoon—lately it's been warm enough that the ponds have warmed up considerably—and griped to one of the other swimmers about the amount of radiation involved in a CT scan and the fact that I didn't think it would help in the least. 

She said, You're 70! What do you care? Get the scan!

Swimming this past week has kept me from depression. I feel so wonderful in the water, even if I pay for it later in exhaustion, dizziness and cold, it's worth it. The ponds are cold again, but that brief respite was very good.

So tomorrow a brain scan. I am certain that nothing will show up, but you never know, right? Do I want to know that I have a brain tumour? Not really. Then I would have to decide about treatment or not and it is a very slippery slope. A friend with a brain tumour elected not to get it treated because of the risk that the radiation treatment would do serious damage to her teeth, nose, and/or face. She decided she'd rather live out the rest of her life with the tumour. I am kind of in agreement. The 811 public health nurse didn't think I was having a stroke, I didn't sound confused or hard to understand. And that's pretty much what CT brain scans are good for diagnosing: stroke and tumours.

I have my own ideas about what is wrong with me, and a CT scan won't add any useful information if I'm right. So we shall see what happens next.

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The photos: for 9 years now Hapi and I have been visiting this small pond hidden in the woods behind the university to see the goldfish. The pond used to be the university water well, supplying both drinking water and irrigation water for the university farm that kept the faculty, staff and students fed.  There used to be four goldfish but now there are only two, and those two have grown considerably since we first started watching them, almost a foot long each. One swims near the surface and the other tends to hide lower down, but they both stay as far away from Hapi as they can. Hapi lives in hope that one or both of them will jump into the air for her to catch, but she sure isn't going to jump into the water to hunt them. In the winter their pond freezes over and we don't find out until the spring if they survived. So far they have.