Christmas haircut

Yes, that is Hapi. I took that photo right after she was "groomed" in the industrial park of the next town over (all the major towns of the Valley are strung like beads along the main highway). After I picked her up I thought I'd take her for her afternoon walk a little early and then go home, but I couldn't bear to take her somewhere that people knew us. I was still in shock at her appearance and did not want to deal with other people's shock as well. 

I took her out on a walking trail I knew of behind the loading dock of a major nearby store. Somebody on the trail commented that she looked like a small white lion, and was she "safe"? 

The groomer had suggested that I get her a sweater and while out on the trail I realized that the store I was parked behind had an extensive horse and dog shop so I might look at dog coats there. Turned out they had a good selection of dog coats and they measured Hapi for an appropriate one. Trying it on her was a bit of an escapade, she did not want the thing pulled over her head and she ran around the store dragging her extendible leash and knocking things over before we cornered her and got the coat over her head. It was technically too small for her but seemed to fit, and since it was the largest dog coat they had I took it.

I feel really bad about doing this to her, especially at the end of her life. I do not know if she will live long enough for her fur to grow out again. Even if she does, it will not be the same, shaving a double-coated dog is apparently the last thing you want to do. But the groomer said Hapi would not let her brush her out, the matts were really bad, and the only option left was to shave it all off. On the bright side, she said she thought Hapi's muscle tone was really good for a dog her age and that the matts around her hind legs and rear end were so bad they were like shackles on her, that she might be able to move a lot easier now. 

This was the first time she's been groomed in well over a year. Grooming places were shut down for the first part of the pandemic, I tried to keep up with her fur over the summer by brushing and trimming myself, but it was just too hard on my back. When groomers reopened I didn't want to take her to her old groomer who she disliked; I couldn't have anyway since that groomer required me to be present and that is against the rules now. In early December Hapi's vet recommended a groomer, and she was the only one who would take her because she had her sister there to help her and no one wanted to deal with Hapi alone.

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Christmas was quiet but nice. I spent most of Christmas Day on the phone with family and had a vegan Christmas dinner with a small group of people in the neighbourhood. On Boxing Day I had a couple of friends over for wine and cheese. My friends spoiled Hapi with bits of cheese and she consequently would not leave us alone. 

We had the warmest Christmas ever, around 15C (60F), and news headlines were saying 'Eat Your Heart Out Snowbirds', since all of the Maritimes were warmer than Florida (near 0C). Last year this time we were skating on the Reservoir pond, this year the ducks are still swimming there.

Ducks on ice

The snow started Wednesday afternoon and by Thursday morning we were blanketed in it. Overnight it warmed up so the snow was not light and fluffy but heavy and wet. I spent some time shovelling the stuff, then drove to a nearby farmer's market to pick up sweet cider that was on sale for one day only. I bought two jugs, one for me and one for the girl next door who helped me shovel the snow.

One of the two Reservoir ponds froze over completely a few days ago when it was bitterly cold, the other smaller pond only half froze. Now all the ducks are crowded into the half frozen pond, and for some reason they prefer to stand on the ice than float on the water. Who can guess what goes on in the mind of a duck?

When the small pond is frozen completely the ducks will leave. A few will come back in the spring, but the majority will not return until next fall.

I photographed the Reservoir Dog Tree before the snowfall. Hapi's ornament is in the upper right, I printed her name on it but not very well.

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I am trying an experiment, a technology Sabbath. Technically, the Sabbath runs from Friday night to Saturday night, but I have chosen Sunday as my technology Sabbath. Basically, no screens. Last Sunday I turned off the wifi, the computer and the tablet. I turned off my cell phone data and also text messaging; the only thing I could use the cell phone for was voice calls. I decided to leave that function on. I could have used the phone camera but decided that was too screen-y. Most of my books now are e-books, so no reading online. My evening entertainment is watching Netflix and Prime shows on my computer, none of that either.

The hardest part was not having TV shows in the evening. Reading while eating one's supper is not easy, I listened to the radio instead. Mostly CBC's Cross Country Checkup. I went through my library of paper books and picked out a couple of novels that I didn't mind rereading, so I would have something for reading in bed. One small glitch: I was going to do some baking in the afternoon but most of my recipes are now on the tablet. I was able to do something that I had committed to memory, but one recipe (Chocolate Chip Zucchini Bread) I had to postpone to another day since I did not have recipe memorized.

It was a successful experiment which I will repeat again tomorrow. I learned a few things about myself, one of which is that I am addicted to weather reports: I constantly check the weather online throughout the day. It felt weird not to know what the forecast was, or whether there was any precipitation showing up on the weather radar.

Dental Expedition

The Eagle Tree, with one eagle (there are two who use this tree)

Today was a heck of a day.

Had to go to the dentist, for emergency dental work. Last night a tooth broke, a chunk of it ended up in my supper. In the morning I called my dentist but the earliest she could see me was a month from now so her receptionist suggested I call the emergency clinic. I did and they said, Be here in an hour. So I went.

They were really nice. Expensive but nice. Took an x-ray, showed it to me on the computer and suggested 3 options: do nothing, get a filling, or get a cap. I opted for the filling, although I probably should have gone for the cap. Anyway I was led away to another room where the youngish dentist and an assistant did the job. But first they had to fill me up with local anesthetic, it took multiple shots before I was numb enough for them to proceed. They were absolutely all about killing the pain.

It all went fast and then I got the bill which was hefty. But I was dizzy so I sat there for awhile before driving home. I still have to get the cap, or a root canal or something, so that's why I think I should have gone for the cap in the first place. Oh well. I have an appointment with my regular dentist to see what's next.

I went home and took Hapi for her walk. It was very cold and windy last night so I made her sleep indoors and she couldn't wait to get out in the morning. She had a long nap in her doghouse while I went to the dentist. It was still very cold but the wind had died and it was a sunny blue-sky day. I can't remember the last time we had a sunny blue-sky day.

So, a month or so ago somebody put a little artificial tree in a planter by the Reservoir parking lot. One of the dog walkers got the idea of putting an ornament with her dog's name on the tree. A few more followed. I bought an ornament and put Hapi's name on it but kept forgetting to take it with me. Today I did remember, but I forgot to photograph it on the tree. Anyway, now she's immortalized on the Reservoir Dog Tree. I'll try to remember to take a picture of it. [Since I forgot to take a picture, the photo above is of the Reservoir Eagle Tree, from a previous day.]

Tomorrow is supposed to be our first major snow storm of the season, there were a couple of things I had to get done before then so after the walk and some lunch I got out the ladder and climbed up to take down a roof gutter. It is not a sturdy gutter and snow sliding off the roof dislodges it, so it's better to take it down before that happens. Not a pleasant job, especially in the cold when one is dizzy. One of the girls next door saw me on the ladder and offered to hold the ladder for me, I accepted. I couldn't dismantle the gutter so she ended up switching places and doing it for me while I held the ladder. She enquired about what arrangements I had made for snow shovelling and said if I needed help just call.

I asked her whether she was going home for Christmas and she said, No, the five of them had decided to spend Christmas together so that they didn't have to do quarantine after the holidays. I am secretly relieved that they are doing that.

I listened to the premier and his chief medical officer on the radio this afternoon. Since we've had a rise in cases they've been doing talks daily. I have to say, yet again, how great they've been. I kind of look forward to those talks and will miss them when they're done. The first doses of vaccine were administered in the city today, to healthcare workers working in the city. There's only the one freezer for the vaccine and it's in the city, so they are only doing a few healthcare workers this year.

I think it's going to be a while before it's my turn, I'm fairly far down on the priority list (healthcare workers, long term care residents, over 80s, over 75s, over 70s, …) There's a few active cases in my healthcare region, notably a local poultry processing plant got shut down and a couple of schools. But no one has been hospitalized and no cases in any long term care homes. The emergency dental clinic is the furthest I have been from home in the past 6 weeks, I only shop for groceries and what little social life I have is at the Reservoir. I feel relatively insulated.

All that freezing for the dental work has finally worn off and I feel crappy. But I'm glad I don't have a big hole in my tooth anymore.

Little Christmas tree

I rummaged around in some boxes in the basement and found a small bag of tiny Christmas tree ornaments so I decorated my little tree.

River walk

Yesterday Hapi and I walked up the Gaspereau River. We have not been there in over a year and there are changes, the path has moved slightly due to fallen trees and such. In one place the path is almost in the river; the water flow is controlled by Nova Scotia Power and when the river is high the path is under almost a foot of water. It is always wise to wear rubber boots on this trail, you never know when NS Power decides to mess with the flow. Also there are very large muddy patches that can't be bypassed.

"Bridge"

One of the changes I saw on the trail was rocks placed in the river along the side of the path so that at high water there you can still walk through. Another was a "bridge" made of fallen tree branches across a large muddy water patch. The last time I walked this trail there was only one narrow log crossing that patch and you had to balance on it. There was a stash of poles leaning against a nearby tree, you took one pole and used it to balance yourself crossing the log, leaving the pole on the other side. Since there is only one way in and out, you used the pole on the return trip and left it against the tree where you found it. Before that, there was an actual plank bridge, but that rotted away and sank in the mud years ago. Hapi of course just walked through the muddy water, she didn't care about keeping her feet clean and dry.

In another location the path has been widened by building an extensive dry stone wall underneath. I don't know when that was done or by whom, it is very old. Eventually the path ends abruptly at the river shore more than an hour's walk in; I am told that the path continues on the other side of the river but I think you would need hipwaders to get across. That's as far as Hapi and I have ever gone. I imagine this trail to be ancient, perhaps dating back hundreds if not thousands of years.

There are also little walk-in campsites along the river. They are mostly used by fishers, only rarely have I seen people camping overnight there. At the start of the trail are signs put up by the Department of Fisheries about fishing regulations, but there is a new sign now that makes it very clear that this river is home to a rare and endangered type of Atlantic Salmon and fishing them is strictly illegal, except for catch-and-release. Although I think catch-and-release must be very traumatic for the fish, and not good for the survival of an endangered population.

In our heyday, Hapi and I would be on that trail for hours, an hour or more in and then the same time out. There's no cellphone coverage there, I always turn off my phone when I go in and then forget to turn it back on until the next day. It's best to go in the muddy season, when the bugs are gone or not yet arrived. We have seen eagles and deer on our trips up the river, but this time only a solitary raven.

I timed our walk: half an hour in and half an hour out. That was right on the edge of what Hapi is capable of these days, we moved fairly slowly and she seemed to be fine. She stayed with me the whole time walking in, but once we turned around she took off and was soon out of sight. That's what she always does, she knows we are headed back to the car and no longer feels the need to stay close. The river is shallow enough in places for her to walk across, so on the trip home she often crossed the river to explore the other side. But not this time.

On a brighter note

My former neighbour, a young student, has been texting me off and on since she moved away to another town. A few weeks ago we had a text conversation about Christmas, she and her boyfriend were decorating their Christmas tree. I said I didn't have a tree or any plans to get a tree because I didn't have the floor space for it and besides, Hapi would just knock it over with her tail.

So today she left a tiny artificial tree with tiny lights and decorations on my front porch while I was out walking the dog. She said it was her old Christmas tree from when she lived in a college dorm.

I guess I have no excuse now.

Loneliness and Depression

OK, downer of a topic, but here goes. First go read this. Or, you can search for John Cacioppo on Youtube; he has a few rather long videos there, reading the article is quicker.

I'm not going to recap it for you, so go read it if you're still interested in this post. I understand if you're not, I don't think I would be either. Were it not for circumstances.

This morning I consulted Dr. Google on what the difference is between depression and loneliness. I didn't get a clear answer, I think it might be like telling the difference between a cold, the flu and Covid. There's a lot of technical info about the differences (different viruses, etc), but when you look at the lists of symptoms, then things get complicated. You just assume that they are all different and you will be able to define the difference, but when you start looking more closely, well, there's a lot of overlap. Likewise for depression and loneliness.

There's a lot of stigma attached to mental illness (and loneliness, which we—as yet—don't categorize as a mental illness). Lately there's been a lot of action around trying to destigmatize mental illness, and there's been some progress, but it's still there. With the possible exception of Dr. Cacioppo there's been hardly any action around destigmatizing loneliness. In some countries (the UK comes to mind) there's been some movement toward recognizing that loneliness is a social problem and there's a lot of it, but when you look at the pictures accompanying such pronouncements, they are invariably pathetic-looking old ladies holed up in grim looking digs staring depressingly out windows at even grimmer outdoor weather. Well maybe not pathetic old ladies, but definitely pathetic something. Like, no way am I that person, and, can we say "stigmatized"?

If you admit to yourself that you might be lonely or depressed, and you go on the internet looking for what to do about it, it's all pretty much self-help-pull-yourself-up-by-your-own-bootstraps stuff. Reach out. Join a group, start a hobby, engage in happy self-talk, meditate to rid yourself of negative thoughts. Reach out some more. And by the way, if you ever have felt depressed or lonely, how did all that "reach out" advice go over for you?

The general assumption in our culture is that if you're struggling with this sort of thing it's a personal problem, not social, not cultural. Individualism, self responsibility, self determination are so much part of our ethos that we engage in blame-the-victim without even thinking about it. 

Women who have babies are expected to choose between plopping said baby in a daycare and returning to work, or staying home alone to cope with childcare and housework alone. Not as much as in former times, but it's still an expectation that women get to feel guilty about no matter which way they jump.

You graduate and get a job on the other side of the country, you try to start a social network from scratch in your new location, all the while working full-time and living in some anonymous apartment building. Yes of course it's doable, and most people do it with some degree of success. But those who fall through the cracks are just that much more stigmatized because everyone else manages it, why can't they?

We make a fetish of separating people from family in the name of individual freedom, and we hustle old people out of the workplace and into "retirement communities" or long term care facilities just as fast as we can. 

You're old and alone and can't seem to connect with supportive people? You're not doing it right, go look on the internet and you'll find plenty of advice on how to do it right (reach out, join a group, start a hobby, engage in happy self-talk, meditate to rid yourself of negative thoughts).

I guess I am just tired of well-meaning but stupid advice.

It's like insomnia. If you have it or have had it, the typical advice is sleep hygiene stuff: darkened room, quiet surroundings, no blue-light emitting screens before bedtime, rigid adherence to bedtime routines, and a few other things depending on who is giving the advice. If you have had insomnia for long enough you have the list memorized and just want to wrap it around a rock and throw it at the well-meaning advisor. Enough already!

Spot the Blue

This photo looks like nothing. A drab grey November day at the Reservoir, enlivened only by the presence of the ducks. Who will soon be leaving, but never mind, they are here now.

However, smack dab in the middle of the photo, on the far shore of the pond, is a Great Blue Heron masquerading as a tree stump. He does a great job of it, the only reason I know he is a bird and not a dead tree is because of very occasional, tiny movements of his head. Tree stumps don't have heads, or at least not heads that can move.

He has been here now for three days. On the first day I saw him flying above the pond, a truly magnificent sight. I thought he looked young and very curious about the pond, flying around it several times before disappearing northward. The second day I saw him standing upright on the pond shore where he now does his tree stump imitation, and today he is hunched over and almost motionless in the dreary weather. Apparently he was more than a little curious about this pond.

A flying Great Blue looks to me like a miniature pterodactyl: something very ancient, very stately, very awe-inspiring. There used to be a colony of Great Blues not far from here but I have not seen them in years. I once went on a field trip to their nesting site back in the '80s, but I have heard nothing about that site recently, so I imagine it has been long since abandoned. They are migratory birds and usually all gone from this province by December. This bird seems to be a straggler, perhaps he is lost.

The ducks are curious about him, they cluster around the shore where he stands. 

A peek at the universe

Mercury and Venus in Libra, at home

I have written several posts for this blog but they are all still in Draft mode. Mostly stuff that on second thought I don't want to post; one thing to write it, another to publish it. I'm doing a lot of that these days, not a happy time.

However, here's something I think is quite delightful. A friend showed me an app he had on his tablet called Skyview Lite. The full version costs but the Lite version is free. You let the app access your location and then it shows you where all the stars and planets and galaxies are, right now. You can take your device outside and point it at something in the sky and it tells you its name. Or, if you want to know (say for example) where Saturn is, the app will point you to its location even if it is below the horizon. It works on a tablet or a smart phone. If you turn on your cell or tablet camera in the app, you see the night sky superimposed on whatever your camera 'sees'. So sitting in my living room with the tablet camera pointed at a wall, I glimpse a small portion of the universe inside my house. In this case the planets Mercury and Venus which are invisible in the daytime. 

Last night I located several constellations and the planet Mars, which currently is the only planet above the horizon after dark. Saturn and Jupiter are conjunct on the other side of the Earth at night so you can't see them in the sky here and now, but you can 'see' them in the app when you point the camera below the horizon. I knew that the Pleiades were in the constellation Taurus, but for the first time I was able to locate both Taurus and the Pleiades in the night sky. This morning I watched the International Space Station slowly moving across the 'sky' just below the horizon; when I first located the ISS on the app it was just passing by Jupiter and Saturn.

If you are willing to pay for it, the full version will show you many more stars, constellations and other sky objects. I must admit I am strongly tempted.