Catch up

New car in the driveway, in the rain and through a window, my reflected red plaid housecoat obscuring the view

So where was I?

Today is a very rainy windy Saturday and I am in my jammies, I may not change into daytime clothing at all. Last night my new-to-me car was delivered and now sits in the driveway. I have never driven it and it is raining too hard to transfer the licence plate from the truck to the car. I am assured that it is a wonderful car to drive, but have had no chance to confirm that.

I will definitely miss the truck. The past week I have been enumerating all of its deficiencies each time I drive it, in hopes of breaking my attachment to it. We did all the paperwork and money transfers last night, so the previous owner of the car now owns the truck. He plans to sell it to a mutual friend who really needs a reliable truck. I am happy about that, but still a little sad to let it go.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

My brother out west is in liver failure, and my 15 year old dog in heart failure. After a crisis a couple of weeks ago my brother was given 3 months to survive, if that. I was trying to figure out a way to see him before the end, but travelling across the continent at this time of year whilst sick is near impossible. Could be done but at great risk to my own health.

Princess in her new bed with her favourite toy

Finding out that my dog is in heart failure pretty much put paid to that. In the meantime my brother's status has somewhat improved, his GP is saying that with proper meds he could survive much longer than the original prognosis. He even sounds better on the phone.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

By mutual agreement my former GP and I parted ways a year ago. I've been transferred to a Primary Care Clinic and if I manage to get through on the phone on a specific morning I can get an appointment with a doctor the following week. Getting through is the tricky part, there is about a one hour window each week in which hundreds of people are trying to get through.

Nevertheless I have gotten more better care there in the past year than in the past 8-9 years with my previous GP. The doctors at the clinic ordered so many tests and scans and made so many referrals to specialists it darn near took my breath away. And unlike my former GP they explained stuff in non-patronizing ways. This is what medical care looks like!

It all came to a head in late September when the referrals came through and the tests and scans were scheduled. Extremely busy October, driving hither and yon for various appointments!

The specialists in turn recommended seeing other specialists not covered by MSI (provincial health insurance), so November has been a very expensive healthcare month. Specifically, a respiratory physiotherapist and an acupuncturist, both of whom are concentrating on getting my lungs working properly again. I was unaware that they were not!

Turns out that for the past four years I have been hyperventilating, causing insufficient oxygen to be absorbed by my lungs and in turn by my blood. You would think that hyperventilation would be obvious to me, but it was not. I think the acupuncture and breathing exercises are helping, but all the work of getting to appointments, minding my sick dog, buying a car and the usual activities of shopping, food prep, and minimal housekeeping is counterproductive. Not to mention the stress of family stuff. I am in a crash now.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

One of the internists I saw prescribed an antidepressant that she thought would give me more energy. First time I tried it I last two days, the lethargy and nausea overwhelmed me. Second time I tried it I only lasted one day, same side effects plus insomnia. On top of the fatigue and orthostatic intolerance I am already experiencing it is just too much. I am told that the side effects will subside, but I need to take the pills for more than two days. And walk the dog, get meals, attend appointments in the city, and just generally carry on with daily life.

I thought I had four days of nothing scheduled so maybe I could try the pills then, but it didn't work out that way.
I was incapacitated by one pill.
Stuff came up I had to deal with.
I crashed.

Attempts to expand one's horizons

Lovely autumn weather has me attempting short walks. I have been driving to the Reservoir and walking around one pond there, this past weekend I tried walking around two blocks in my neighbourhood. They have been"repairing/constructing" a major road and I have not seen it since the beginning of the summer. My neighbours said it is considerably narrower now, since they put in the dedicated bike trail. I finally went over to see.

I only could see the top half and it is a mess. At this late date I doubt they will finish it before winter, so it is not going to be pretty. And it is indeed much narrower. One of the rental housing areas off that road has numbered parking spaces for tenants only, visitors must park on the street. Only now the street is too narrow to accommodate parked cars. Could get interesting there.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Also on the weekend, a friend called me to ask if I wanted to go to a concert of the provincial symphony orchestra, in 20 minutes time. If I did she would pick me up and drive me home afterward. One of the benefits of not having anything to do, one can take up such invitations at a moment's notice. It was a lovely concert and I really enjoyed it. At the intermission I got to talk to several people I hadn't seen in many months.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

One of our town councillors resigned in September, would love to know the story behind that, but I can guess. Anyway, now there is a by-election for a replacement councillor only they got no candidates by the deadline so they have extended the deadline. A friend who has been a bit of an activist in my neighbourhood was considering it. She writes a weekly email newsletter for anyone who wants to sign up, most of the neighbourhood and some folks from other areas are on the list. Several councillors were too, only the mayor told them they were not allowed. Don't ask. Anyway, most of them, including the mayor, have access to the newsletter via friends and family. My friend is pretty critical of the town council and has more than once been told off for her comments. A recent blasting from the mayor for being so outspoken really upset her.

When the by-election was announced several of us urged her to run, but that was right after the blasting she got so she was kind of reluctant. She did not want to mount a campaign with signs and all, and she did not want to give up her newsletter which she thought would be required if she was on council. However, the deadline got extended, and several town employees urged her to run, and indirectly she heard that some councillors would welcome her to council. Also most of our neighbourhood would like it very much.

She is still sitting on the fence. I said, why should you have to give up your newsletter? Shouldn't councillors be talking to their constituents? Maybe all the councillors should be required to send out newsletters! This secrecy business makes people not trust democratic institutions. I hope she runs, I am pretty sure she would be acclaimed.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

At the same time as the by-election was announced, it was also announced that positions on various town committees were also taking applications. I looked at the list of committees and thought that maybe I could apply for the Accessibility Committee, since I now have life experience in accessibility barriers. The application document was a bit daunting, wanting to know what work experience or education qualifications I had for this committee. This is all very youthful and ableist, zero consideration for life experience. What, I have to have a degree in Accessibility? Well I applied anyway. I am not expecting a lot of competition, but if there is maybe I'll apply for another committee. Dip my baby toe in the local political arena.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

After my weekend walk around two blocks I thought I'd try walking downtown and back. The bottom half of the road under construction is not finished either but at least it has one layer of asphalt so it looks kind of finished. They might get a second layer before winter, I don't know. However walking down and up that hill was a very bad idea. That was on Monday morning and I am still in recovery from that little jaunt. So I guess I can walk around a block or two but not all the way into town, definitely still have to drive. Only a few months ago this was still doable, now it's not.

Lazy days of autumn

Wet spider web at Tai Chi class

It's been a while but I am still here. I spend a lot of time on my daybed, reading, surfing and watching shows in the evening. I am currently ploughing through Mick Herron's Slough House series. I get each book at the library and since right now this series is very popular (thanks to Slow Horses on Apple TV+), I am not reading them in the proper order. I put holds on the ones I want to read and it's luck of the draw which one comes first. I still haven't read the first book in the series, but I have read the most recent (Bad Actors, 2022). I am currently reading the penultimate, Slough House. In the TV series Gary Oldman plays Jackson Lamb so when I read that's how I picture him. Likewise for some of the other characters.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hurricane Fiona did a lot of damage here but one good thing came of it, a few friends faraway texted and emailed to see if I was okay. As a result I have reconnected with a couple of old friends I haven't been in touch with for a few years. One of them has a similar illness to me and we both are rather restricted in what we can do and who we can talk to. So it's nice, we're kind of on the same page. We used to joke around a lot, and that hasn't changed.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I got a Handicapped tag for my truck this week, I no longer have to worry about finding a parking spot close enough to the grocery store. I still hate that I have to drive everywhere, but at least it is less frustrating. Today I drove to the Reservoir to go for a walk, I did not park in the Handicap spot because it wouldn't have made a difference. No ducks on the pond but a nice walk. There's a look off point where you can see the Minas Basin and Cape Blomidon, I sat on a bench there for a while. Someone walked by with their little dog, the dog stopped to say hello. That was nice. I love the smell of autumn, not to mention the colours. Just a lovely day for a walk. I am still holding out hope for more ducks, they cheer me up.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Next month will be full of appointments. I will be assessed by the Home Care Coordinator to see if I am eligible for services, and at the Balance and Dizziness Clinic to determine the cause of my dizziness and what treatment, if any, will help. Also see my doctor. She does the only one symptom at a time thing, so last time I went it was about my cough. I tried to bring up the dizziness (yet again!!! so frustrating!!!) and she said not now, next appointment. Earliest appointment available was in six weeks. So I went through the Nurse Practitioner at the Chronic Conditions Clinic and she made the referral immediately. 

At some point I am scheduled for a CT scan to see if I have lung cancer due to being a former smoker. My doctor's idea. But through a combination of prescription drugs and over-the-counter meds, I have the cough more or less under control, and I don't think it is due to lung cancer, or any of the other lung ailments caused by smoking. Also, out of the blue, I got called by an organization that tests your memory to see if you have dementia. I had gone in for a free assessment a year ago, and now they want to offer me a DNA test to see if I have genes for dementia. What the hell, why not. At this point I really don't care one way or the other. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Still going to Tai Chi but it is getting more difficult by the week. I am finding out just how short my short term memory is. The instructor says this is normal, but it doesn't feel normal.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I put my birdfeeder out early this year. It is mobbed by the blue jays who literally guzzle down the seeds. But the chickadees, cardinals and nuthatches manage to get in between mobs. 

One day a nuthatch came and the feeder was not up. It flew around and around where it should have been, perhaps thinking it just hadn't looked hard enough (I know the feeling!). Then it flew away, but a few minutes later it came back and landed on a potted plant nearby. It dug up a sunflower seed and flew away with it. Ahah! Now I know who is burying seeds in my potted plants! 

The mourning dove is back too, hoping for messy eaters to drop seeds on the table below the feeder. The blue jays have cleaned up their act, they don't drop so many seeds any more. I take pity on the very patient dove and scatter a few seeds on the table for it. 

My friend that I reconnected with was telling me about the bears that visit her area. And the coyotes. She enjoys their visits. I think I would too, but not a lot of bears or coyotes here. Rare visits by pheasants is as exotic as it gets.

Mini-vacation at the seaside

Just back from fabulous weekend away. Yes it was fabulous. We turned out to be a very harmonious group of women, laughed and played a lot. None of us were great sleepers though, the morning hours before breakfast saw us slouched on couches and armchairs recovering from our rather sleepless nights. But the breakfast coffees and teas soon put everything to rights and all the meals were excellent. We swam, we walked, we hot-tubbed and sauna-ed, we watched the huge rollers crash on the rocks just offshore. Further down from our little cottage was a sandy beach where a half dozen or so wetsuited surfers played in the huge waves. A couple of them were able to stand up on their boards and ride the waves into the shore.

It was quite wonderful. The youngest woman was about the age of my middle son, the oldest just turned 80 this year. One woman was a 'retired' lobster fisher, she had her own boat and her own licence and for two months a year she worked her buns off fishing lobster. But the cost of fuel and bait was high and the market price of lobster low, so after ten years of that she put her name into a lottery and won: the government bought her out. Now her son fishes with his father, it's in the blood I guess.

I can't speak too highly of this resort so I will tell you its name: White Point Beach Resort. They've been around since 1928 and it's just a fabulous location on the South Shore of Nova Scotia. One of their hallmarks is the bunnies. Just before check-in time they spread bunny kibble and leftover veggies around the lawns and the bunnies come running. Kids buy little bags of kibble and run around the lawns looking for bunnies to feed, and of course the bunnies are not dumb, they come running too. It's also a pet friendly resort, I suppose that dogs who chase bunnies are severely reprimanded.

Hopeful bunny

I suspect that potential hirees of this resort must have friendliness as a prime requirement, all of the staff were cheerful, helpful and friendly.

Two of the women had mobility issues and were a little taken aback by the limited accessibility of our designated cottage. It wasn't great but they managed. The weather was cold wet and windy on our arrival and departure but lovely in between so we were able to get out on the various trails and pathways. Getting to the beach involved climbing over a steep bank of rocks so we left that to the surfers and their holiday companions. I found the roar of the surf quite mesmerizing and since our cottage overlooked the ocean shore it was constant.

The fisherwoman and her mother were from Cape Breton and while the fisherwoman now lives in the Valley, her mother still lives on the ocean shore of Cape Breton. She said waves like what we were witnessing at White Point were part of her everyday life; her home overlooks the ocean too. She invited all of us to come visit in the summer, there are five beaches near her home and a campground; if there's no room at the campground we can park in her driveway. One of our group has an RV that could sleep 4 or 5, but she said it was difficult to drive and she would have to bring her husband along as driver. Some of us know her husband and don't mind that at all. He has already agreed to do it so I guess that expedition is on.

We have a second expedition planned as well. Before I left for the weekend, another friend recommended that I go see Cosby's Garden Centre in nearby Liverpool. I mentioned it to the other women and one of them had already been and said it was wonderful but she thought it would be better to go in the summer. So we're planning a trip back to Liverpool to see that. My friend who recommended it was disappointed that I didn't go, she thought it would be quite magical in the winter time. Well, you can only do so much. It is a garden, but it's main purpose is to display the concrete sculptures of the artist owner. I am told it takes at least an hour, if not two, to view it all.

There was a bit of a problem around cost. Due to a misunderstanding the cost quoted to M did not include meals but she thought it did. There was a tense moment at our first dinner when we discussed the matter with the manager. In the end he gave us a deep discount, but we did not fully understand how incredibly generous he was being until we got the final bill. Let's just say that he clearly made customer satisfaction a big priority.

There were a lot of guests over the weekend but most checked out Sunday before lunch and the new guests would not check in until later in the afternoon, so at lunchtime they closed the main dining room and only served lunch in the lounge. However when we arrived one of the wait staff directed us into the dining room where they had set the table with the very best view of the ocean, just for us! It was amazing!

November arrives late

November rainbow

November weather finally arrived: wet, cold and grey with a touch of frost and snow. Up until this past week we have had almost idyllic weather all summer and most of the fall, but it had to come to an end sometime. Meanwhile western Canada has been hit by phenomenally bad weather: a summer heatdome, lots of forest fires, and now intense rain, wind and flooding. A once-in-a-lifetime Very Bad Year weather-wise. But here we had an awesome year. I don't often use that word, awesome, but it applies this time.

Locally we're seeing a surge in Covid cases and deaths, thanks in part to "faith" gatherings where the participants did not see fit to follow Covid health guidelines. One pastor had the gall to comment that the subsequent deaths were unfortunate but just part of God's plan. Initially the provincial government was lenient, saying that they were more focussed on education than enforcement, but apparently the God's plan comment put our premier over the edge. When the powers-that-be give you a pass you don't go all smug about it.

Some participants in the gathering thought they were adhering to the guidelines, that since church services do not require vaccination passports being checked, therefore a much larger gathering involving many hundreds of participants from far and away should also be allowed to go maskless and passportless. Dr. Strang said that was not so and the guidelines were clear about that. However, I will say that when I checked the guidelines with respect to another gathering I was involved in, the guidelines were not clear at all. I came away wondering what exactly was supposed to happen. So I will give the organizers of that faith gathering a little benefit of doubt on that score, but the God's plan comment was kind of over the top.

The other gathering I attended was the first in-person meeting since before the pandemic of an organization I belong to. I went to it just because I was thinking I'd get to see some people I hadn't seen in that long since I haven't been attending Zoom meetings. Apparently at least half the membership was thinking the same thing and so there were many more people in attendance than had been planned for. Where we usually got a dozen or maybe a couple dozen attendees in the before times, I am sure well in excess of 50-70 people showed up at this meeting. Passports were checked and everyone wore masks, but at a certain point the president of the club suggested that people could take their masks off. I thought, Nothing doing, mask stays put. I'd only just gotten my 'flu shot and didn't want to chance even getting a bit of 'flu.

We had a speaker that night as we usually do and her topic was the story of Abraham Gesner. You may or may not be aware that Gesner invented kerosene, and that he grew up not far from my town in Nova Scotia. I only knew that because there is a country road intersection with a stop sign not too far from town where there is a monument and plaque honouring him. It's kind of out in the middle of nowhere, the monument stands at the edge of a farm field. Every time I stopped at that intersection, which is not frequently but maybe once a year or so, I wondered who the heck is this guy. Well, now I know. 

Our speaker was a retired history professor who has written a book about Mr. Gesner and she had a lot to say about him. So much so that she went overtime and people were fidgeting and growing quite restless long before she finished. A vice-president finally stepped up and told her that time had run out. It was an unfortunate end to an otherwise interesting talk.

Briefly, Gesner grew up on a farm in the early 1800s but was not in the least talented at farming. He met and courted a young woman who was the daughter of a prominent physician, and the prospective father-in-law encouraged young Abraham to get trained as a doctor, since it was obvious he would never be able to support his daughter by farming. Abraham ended up going to London England for his medical training. In those days medical training was a loosey goosey affair, Abraham took a variety of courses including geology. It turned out that his real passion was for geology, not medicine or farming. Nevertheless he completed his medical training and returned to Canada to practice medicine in New Brunswick. He made lots of home visits around the countryside since that is what doctors used to do, and on his travels he collected rocks. Lots of rocks. Eventually he switched careers to become a geological surveyer and then his travels expanded to almost the entire province of New Brunswick.

Unfortunately Mr Gesner ran into trouble advising the province that they had coal deposits suitable for mining when in fact the deposits were entirely unsuitable. He lost his job. He experimented with liquefying coal to use as a replacement for whale oil in street lamps. He was eventually successful and came up with kerosene ("coal oil"). He opened a factory in New England for the manufacture of kerosene but ran into business trouble and was sued multiple times. I don't know the details but I rather gather it was bad luck, ignorance and the highly competitive market that he was operating in that was his downfall. He returned penniless to Nova Scotia. He did manage to secure a job teaching at Dalhousie College in Halifax, but before he could take it up he died, in his early 60s.

Nowadays kerosene is made from petroleum but Gesner's process of converting coal to kerosene saved a lot of whales. It was in fact the beginning of the end for the lucrative 'Boston coast' whaling industry. That industry revived somewhat when it was realized that whalebone was very useful in women's undergarments (corsets and such), but kerosene was definitely the first nail in that coffin.

Gesner firmly believed that the Earth was only a few thousand years old, as Bishop Usher had proven through his biblical studies. He was not to be deterred, he argued firmly in the defense of a youngish Earth. However towards the end of his career and studies he came to admit that perhaps it was not so, perhaps the Earth was millions of years old. I admire that he defended his beliefs so vigourously but in the end changed his mind in the face of overwhelming evidence. He was scientifically inclined and willing to change his mind with enough evidence for doing so. He died before Charles Darwin published his Origin of Species but the writing was already on the wall with the revelations of geological strata associated with a progression of fossils toward modern species. Darwin's big discovery was not so much about evolution but the natural mechanisms facilitating evolution.

I think I find this man interesting because he tried his hand at a number of different things, some successful and some not, and he loved exploring. He was training in England at the start of the Industrial Revolution and very interested in the potential for change it portended. He came back home to Canada fired up about the possibilities and in the end he made a contribution. As I said, he saved a few whales and provided an affordable source of light before electricity became the norm. Having myself depended on kerosene for light at a certain period of my life, I think that is notable.

Mind afire at five

Woke up at five a m, my mind afire.

My feet were cold. Warming them up necessitated turning on the light, reaching for a blanket hung over a nearby chair, unfolding it and laying it over top of my bed; a series of actions sure to wake me up so thoroughly I'd never get back to sleep. And it was one of those nights when I'd been awake enough to note the passing of time: one o clock, two o clock, three o clock, etc. So I lay there trying to endure the cold and finally caving and turning on the light to reach for the blanket.

I have a 'firm' rule: no getting out of bed before six a m. Not that it does any good or that I stick to it at all costs, but still, at five a m I am not inclined to get out of bed unless I have to (for example, my bladder in distress). Hence my mind afire. When I say my feet were cold what I really mean is everything below the knee. The cold feet expand, I feel half dead below the knee and I know it is working its way up. Used to be just the feet, now it's not.

I had the thought, we create our own reality. I create my own reality. Not just attitudes and stuff like that but literally. Everything. The world I live in is of my own creation. I think we know that when we are very little, but by the time we reach adulthood it becomes entrenched: reality just is. You can mess with the edges, tweak it here and there, 'improve' yourself as it were, but the hard core of reality just is. And now, at five a m with my mind afire, I see that in old age the edges of reality are starting to curl up and disintegrate, revealing its flimsiness. If I wanted to I could just peel it all away, but I cling to it. Want to prolong it as long as I can, however unsuitable or knocked about or whatever.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Friday nights two of my boys and I get together online to watch a show and chat. Last night we talked about Hallowe'en. My experience and my oldest son's experience are totally different; he and his wife live for Hallowe'en, I endure it. My son set up a kind of outdoor photo studio and invited all visitors to have their pictures taken in their Hallowe'en costumes. They had hundreds of visitors and he produced hundreds of stunning photos. Really stunning. I am in awe of his talent. The backdrop is black, the colours are brilliant, the costumes amazingly creative. The personalities of the individuals in the photos leap out at you. Whole families out trick or treating together and obviously getting a huge kick out of it. One photo after another of joyful people having a really good time. I guess in their neighbourhood they are renowned, everyone comes by on Hallowe'en. 

He was explaining the photographic technique he was trying out that night but it all went over my head, I was just stunned by the quality of the photos. He's shown me other stuff he's done and I am equally stunned by it. Why is he not a professional photographer?

I have dabbled in a variety of creative endeavours but have not developed any one talent the way he has with his photography. In some ways I feel like I have wasted a whole lifetime dabbling instead of getting down to just one thing the way he has. Well, not just one thing, he has a family and a job and a life besides photography, but you know what I mean.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I called a friend yesterday to ask her help/advice with a landscaping idea I had. She came over in the afternoon and I laid out the idea and walked her around the property to see what she had to say or could do. She said that she could help me with some of it but not all of it, I'd have to get someone with a back hoe or some such for what I had in mind. But she did start to help me get some metal posts out of the ground around my vegetable garden. I had fenced it to keep Hapi out, but I was trying to get rid of the fence because it was more a hindrance than a help now. The metal posts are firmly embedded in the ground after being there for a decade. Nevertheless my friend being a lot stronger than me was able to pry six of them out of the ground, with a little help from me. All within less than an hour.

After she left I collapsed sick. That's what physical effort does to me now, I can make the effort and feel good doing it at the time, but afterward I pay for it in spades. That was part of the mind afire thing at five a m. This is my life now, I'm not seeing a good end to it. Things are only going to get worse. At some point it is going to become unbearable, the bad times outweighing the good times by a lot. 

When I first got sick, over twenty years ago, it lasted for five months. When I told my doc that I was getting better, he was sceptical. He said, Alright, but don't do anything for a year. He meant nothing strenuous or physical: no running, no sports, nothing beyond a bit of walking. I was scared enough by those five months of being sick that I took his advice seriously. Also my life was such that there was not a lot of opportunity for strenuous physical activity, it was a relatively easy thing to give up. And I got twelve good years out of it.

Ironically things went south after I moved to Nova Scotia. On the one hand my life opened up and I had lots of friends and lots of stuff to do, and after twelve years of health I believed I could have it all. My second and third bouts of illness happened after moving here, each one only lasted a couple of months, I still thought I was in the clear. Well, the honeymoon is over. My old doc's advice still stands, but is way harder to follow now.

Complexity

It's a good rainy windy day to stay indoors and recuperate.

I went to the clinic yesterday, about an hour's drive away on the highway. The highway goes through the interior forest of the province, rocks, lakes and trees. The reds and golds of the maples and birches were nicely setoff by the dark green of pines and spruces. A very nice drive.

The visit itself was long and tiring, I was there for 3 hours seeing a nurse practitioner and a care coordinator. They deal with longterm complex chronic conditions and I fit right in. I actually felt validated, this is not all in my head, it's not psychological, it's a real physical illness that is not well understood by doctors and medical researchers. The diagnosis I got is a kind of either/or thing; it's either Long Covid or it's ME/CFS or it's ME/CFS triggered by Covid.

They have two streams of treatment, one for Long Covid and one for everything else which they refer to as Central Sensitization (Fibro, ME/CFS, PTSD, and a bunch of others). They will let me know which stream they are assigning me to but they are not hugely different. The main thing is that they recently got funding for Long Covid and have to keep it separate, but seem a little vague as to whether a positive Covid test is a requirement. A lot of people had Covid in the early days but couldn't get tested because of the restrictive testing criteria at the time. So they believe I had it, they just don't know whether the lack of a positive test disqualifies me under the funding terms.

Ironically, when I was sick I was offered a test but I declined it because if it came back positive I would have to be quarantined and then I could not take Hapi off the property for a walk. She would have driven me crazy. At least without the test I wasn't quarantined. I did stay away from people and wore a mask when outside my house and got all my shopping done by neighbours, so I don't think I put anyone at risk.

It's going to be another few months before treatment actually starts, sometime in 2022. Not that there is a cure (there's not) or even an agreed upon treatment protocol, but simply guidance, support, various therapies for symptom management and referrals for testing as needed. So it doesn't really matter which stream I end up in, the only significant difference is that the Long Covid stream has a physiotherapist and the Central Sensitization stream does not. We have free physio at our local health clinic in town so if I needed that I could probably just get them to refer me there. Although I wouldn't even need a referral, I could just put myself on the waitlist. I don't feel like I would benefit from physio, but who knows.

I came away feeling quite positive about the whole experience, but exhausted by the time I got home. An interesting thing I learned is that many people in my condition often have good summers and then crash in the late summer/early fall. That has certainly been my experience. I was told that the crash could last till next summer. Or, I might improve a little over the winter and then crash again in the spring. That's more or less what happened this past year, so I guess I can expect more of it. I am glad I got a good summer. I also learned that I am very unsteady on my feet. I kind of knew that but the tests made it very clear.

The NP said, "I won't make you try to walk a straight line heel to toe because I can see that you would just fall over."

A couple of weeks ago I went for coffee with a friend who has been otherwise supportive, and she strongly urged me to not go to the clinic. That really I was just anxious about the pandemic. That kind of ticked me off, it's what I don't like about an invisible illness: people feel free to tell you it is not real. So it was nice to be somewhere that I was taken seriously and know that they deal routinely with a lot of people like me.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I spoke to a neighbour the other day on the street, she's a lot more politically active than I am. At any rate she has recently written a lengthy letter to the town council about the student situation in our neighbourhood. She forwarded the letter to me and later in the day I read it; it was quite an eye opener. I tend to keep my head down about local issues because when I get involved I don't like what I see and it is a little upsetting. But she's younger and new in town and very gung ho about getting actively involved. We know each other because she has two big dogs who didn't like Hapi, we had to keep them all apart because Hapi would have been more than happy to set them straight about who was the boss dog around here.

So, our part of town has been zoned "R3", which is much denser than "R1". R3 is where all the poor people and all the students live, plus people like me who are not exactly poor but by no means rich. R3 is all I can afford here. R1 is where professors and doctors and town councillors and such live, nice quiet neighbourhoods with wide empty streets.

There's good money to be made by developers who have bought up all the big old houses in our neighbourhood and converted them to crowded student housing. They are still working on buying up whatever they can get their hands on that can be turned into the very profitable student housing. Bylaws state that they can't create apartments with more than 3 bedrooms, but they do. So a former single family home can now house 5, 10, or more students, each one with their own car. On the face of it, you see these big old houses in this neghbourhood and it looks not much different from R1, but the streets are packed with cars, there's garbage strewn around and properties are barely maintained. The town does not enforce the bylaws. The developers all live in R1 neighbourhoods, and so, for that matter, do all the town councillors. Out of sight out of mind.

When I lived here before, back in the '80s, it wasn't like that. There were students but the majority of houses were occupied by families. As kids grew up and moved away, parents either chose to stay or moved away too. The more houses that were bought by developers and converted to student housing, the more older residents moved away because of the declining neighbourhood quality. Now there are hardly any young families, just old people who either couldn't afford to move away, or stubbornly insisted on aging in place, or both. One older person in her 80s was told that if she didn't like how students behaved, why did she move into this neighbourhood? She's been here for over 60 years!

So, when the students rioted during Homecoming Week, I now blame the town council as much as anyone else. They let the developers create a ghetto, they even officially blessed it by calling it zone R3. What did they think was going to happen? Students are transient, they have no particular attachment to this town beyond the 3-4 years it takes to get a degree, they live in squalid conditions, why would they care?

What bothers me now is, should I go ahead and get solar panels? If this neighbourhood is going to the dogs and the town doesn't care, why should I take the risk of investing in my property only to have it torn down by some developer who wants to cram in yet more student housing? And how much of this noise and congestion and irresponsible behaviour can I take before I too want to pack up and leave? I am wondering now whether to sign the contract or not. They called me last week to say that funding for this year has been used up but there will be more next year so I should postpone signing the contract until December.

Yup. If at all…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The birds aren't stupid, they've figured out the squirrel-proof feeder. I put the old feeder on my back deck so they now come to both feeders. The jays dominate the back feeder and the doves hang out on the deck floor below them because the jays are messy eaters: lots of leftovers for them. The chickadees, cardinals and nuthatches come to the squirrel-proof feeder in the front where they don't have to compete with the jays. So I can watch birds now from either my livingroom or kitchen windows.

Up all night

I got maybe 2-3 hours of sleep Friday night. It was a warm evening and the students next door (all boys) partied on their back patio until around midnight. That would have been not great but okay, except that they resumed the party at 4 am. I had previously made an agreement with the landlord to not call the police but to call him instead, and I didn't really feel like doing that at 4 am. I had also previously spoken to some of the boys and asked them to keep the party indoors after 10 pm, which is when the municipal noise bylaw kicks in. I was mad enough that I couldn't get back to sleep. I texted the landlord this morning and he says he'll deal with it after the student reading week. If there is a second occurrence in the meantime, I will definitely be calling the local police. I am not good at napping so Saturday was pretty much a write-off.

Last weekend was the local university "homecoming" celebration and boy did the students celebrate. Many hundreds of them in residential streets whooping it up, vandalizing property and generally keeping the neighbours up all night. Police were called but they said there was a limit to what they could do given the huge numbers of drunken students in the streets. Our little town made the national news as a result. Needless to say, citizens, town councillors and the mayor are not pleased. The university offers apologies and wrings its metaphorical hands, making vague promises of disciplining culprits. A neighbour had a conversation with the university president, who offered the excuse that first year students did not get adequate socializing in high school because of pandemic restrictions on high school social activities. The university bans alcohol on campus, so guess where students go when they feel like having an alcoholic celebration. The same neighbour told me that the female students living next door to her had to call the police because male students were trying to break into their house to party. They were really scared.

I was lucky last weekend, the students next door kept their celebration indoors, or else they participated in the street ruckus elsewhere. But not so lucky this weekend. The students seem to think that because they've been forced to stay home for a year and a half and because they are mostly all "double-vaxxed", that they deserve to party hearty now. What's a little Fourth Wave and Delta Variant? And who cares about the neighbours who don't care for rap music in the middle of the night? The university seems to take the position that because the partying was not on campus they have no responsibility. The town has to identify "the culprits" before they will do anything.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The weather on Friday was quite lovely, I went for a long walk downtown to collect my mail (in this town we don't get home delivery but have to go to the post office to pick up mail, which makes it a bit of a social occasion), then through town to a ravine that leads up to the Reservoir. 

I met a neighbour at the beach and we chatted for a bit. She said her husband had gone to the city to see the opening of Dune. She asked him if he had read any reviews before he went and he said no he hadn't, he planned to see the movie regardless of what critics said about it. She was a bit mystified by that, why would you not care? I laughed; if you're a Dune-fan then you really don't care what the so-called critics have to say about it. I told her that lately I've been looking at "puppy porn" online, pictures of dogs available for adoption. Of course I particularly look at the Malamute puppies. She wondered if I was one of those people who favoured a particular breed, I said not really and the Malamute is absolutely the wrong breed for someone like me. But they all look like Hapi and Hiro and I guess I'm kind of imprinted on them.

Later she sent me a Facebook link to a video about New York dogs. The city has banned dogs on the subway unless they fit in a bag, so ingenious New Yorkers have bundled their dogs up in all kinds of bags to take them on the train. Dogs as big as Golden Retrievers have been bundled into bags, and some dog owners cut leg holes in their dog-bags so the dog can walk onto the train. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

As noted in a previous post, my birdfeeder is up but now the squirrels have discovered it. So I bought a squirrel-proof birdfeeder and put that up. Apparently it is more than squirrel-proof, the blue jays and cardinals can't use it either. Yesterday I watched a frustrated downy woodpecker pecking away at it, it clearly couldn't get at the seeds but was determined to peck its way through to them. The chickadees are okay with it but the goldfinches still haven't shown up. I am hoping that when the weather gets a little colder the squirrels will hibernate and I can put the old birdfeeder back up.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The greens sprouting indoors

I started my winter indoor greens crop: arugula, leaf lettuce and romaine. They are all up and doing well. 

The greens taking in the sun

On good days I put the planter outside but otherwise it resides under a grow-light. 

I can start another planter under a second grow-light (lower shelf in photo above) but I am holding off on that, I may just bring in a couple of pots of chives and thyme instead. 

I still have greens in the outdoor garden, they will probably survive into November. By then the indoor greens should be big enough to start harvesting. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I finally upgraded my Macbook to a newer operating system. I've been putting it off for a over a year because I have to do a clean install, involving deleting all my files and then replacing them afterward. I was afraid of losing stuff, of having the clean install go terribly wrong and not being able to recover from it. But it was getting harder and harder to put off because my browser was no longer supported in the old operating system and was not functioning properly. I finally bit the bullet and did it. Mostly it went okay but my latest photos are not reappearing. That means until I get that sorted I may or may not be able to include photos with this post. 

Later: As you can see I did manage to post some photos but the there is still an unresolved problem with the photos updating on my computer. Apparently it is frustrating a lot of users but so far (two years now) Apple is not offering a viable solution.

Fall catch-up

I was invited to Thanksgiving dinner this afternoon but had to bow out. Had a bad night's sleep and woke up this morning feeling like I was coming down with something or other. I feel a little better now, but better to be cautious these days. A couple of years ago I would have taken the chance of giving a cold to other people—maybe—but now it just seems terribly irresponsible. I am very disappointed though.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I put my birdfeeder up this week and after a day or so the blue jays discovered it and now there is constant activity just outside my living room window. So far I have also seen a couple of chickadees, a pair of cardinals, a nuthatch, and a song sparrow. The goldfinches are so far missing in action, I hope they are just slow to get the memo.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I have an appointment later this month at a clinic over an hour's drive away that may be able to give me a formal diagnosis, and yes I'm still sick. Both summers, 2020 and 2021, were moderately healthy but by fall it was all back in full blast. Something about the fall I guess. The house badly needs a paint job and I thought when the cooler fall weather arrived I could tackle it, but now I don't have the energy for it. The yard work has pretty much come to a halt now but there is still a lot left to do. I did manage to get the garlic planted but I don't know how much more I am going to be able to do.

I have a stack of library books that I can't read and am wondering why on earth I ordered them. Even the titles are daunting. I harvested a whole bunch of cabbage which I am wondering why I planted because I don't like cabbage. Now I have a bumper crop and no idea what to do with it. I managed to trade the two biggest heads for a couple of hubbard squashes, so that's something, and the person I traded with gave me a recipe for pickled red cabbage which she said was really good on tacos, so that's something too. If I ever get up the energy to pickle.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

In spite of feeling crappy this is one of my favourite seasons in this province. Especially October. It's still warm but not hot, lots of sun and because the sun is so low in the sky a beautiful yellow tinge to the light. And of course the fall colours, which are really only just beginning. They usually peak around Thanksgiving but this year peak colour seems to be delayed. We get "Frost Advisories" regularly now but until this morning I have not seen any sign of frost. And it's what they call "patchy", I saw frost on the back lawn of a house across the street but none anywhere else. My neighbours got frost but I did not.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

After a bit of to-ing and fro-ing I've settled on a contractor to install a solar panel system and the municipal financing program has sent me a contract to sign. Ten pages of fine print. Most of it was pretty much what I expected but one paragraph in particular seemed a little too vague for my liking so I have requested clarification before I sign.

I contacted a couple of roofers to see if I need to do anything about my roof before I cover it up with solar panels and one of them followed through with a site visit. Running his name by friends later it turns out he comes highly recommended. Anyway, he's going to send me an detailed estimate but gave me a ballpark figure which is a bit daunting. He had a nice dog which he says he takes everywhere with him, a point in his favour. I may be eligible for a housing authority grant to help seniors stay in their own homes, but I don't know if I'll qualify, mainly because I think they prefer that your roof be leaking or otherwise in very bad shape, which mine is not.

I had to laugh though, I had had some work done on my roof a half dozen years ago and I thought I'd give that roofer a call. I couldn't find his contact info so I googled his name and it turns out he's now in jail for murder. Oops.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I now have three bikes in my shed and that's probably two too many. So I put one of them up for sale on Facebook Marketplace, only minutes before Facebook crashed. My bike crashed the system. However the next day I got a response from a woman who said she's been looking for that exact type of bike for years, but she lives in the city and wondered if I could put it on hold for her till the weekend. I was a bit hesitant but she offered to pay for it right away, I agreed, and she sent me an etransfer immediately for the full price. 

It all happened so fast that I was kind of shocked; I then wondered what else I could put up for sale since this seemed so ridiculously easy. She has not yet picked up the bike, she was going to come yesterday but messaged me that her daughter was sick so could she postpone a couple of days. Sure, no problem, I've already been paid and can afford to wait a few more days to get rid of the bike.

Well, must go now, the blue jays have emptied the feeder so I'm being called to replenish.

Swimming and reading

My swimming companions

Since getting home from my kayaking expedition at the beginning of the month I've been swimming at the Reservoir, almost daily. I swim with a woman who seems to be an amazing source of local gossip. Some of it good, some of it not, some about people I know and some about people I don't. I occasionally have gossip tidbits to exchange, but not very much really. The main benefit of all this gossip is to keep me swimming; I can do 4 laps while listening and at best 2 laps while not. So, there's that. 

She has a neighbour who sometimes shows up to do serious swimming (the crawl, with flippers, goggles and ear plugs), it turns out he is also a serious kayaker. So I mentioned to my swimming companion that I am always looking for fellow kayakers and she said she'd pass that along, which she did. So we shall see. I've pretty much decided that I don't want to combine kayaking and camping any more, at least not the way we have been doing. Maybe a single base camp for a 4-day trip, but not changing campsites every day or even every other day. So what I want is people I can do day trips with, sans camping.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Today is a wet stormy day and after today the temperature will take a downturn, so I may not be swimming anymore unless we get a mini heat wave in October. Not likely. Today I am doing more or less nothing. This past week, besides swimming I also did some rather strenuous yard work so doing nothing is my idea of a rest. I watched the storm outside the window, I read, and got caught up on bills.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I just finished reading an interesting book which I can recommend: The Premonition, by Michael Lewis. I'd never heard of Lewis before, and on the back cover of the book is a review comment: "I would read an 800-page history of the stapler if he wrote it." I absolutely agree, it was an enthralling read and I learned a few things, albeit rather depressing things. But no matter, he writes in a very upbeat style leaving one with hope and a little faith in the fundamental goodness of human beings. The book is a pandemic story, specifically about Covid19, but it starts in the early 2000s, under the G.W. Bush presidency. I learned that Bush did one good thing during his presidency, he read John Barry's book about the 1918 Flu Pandemic and it scared him into creating a committee to come up with a pandemic plan for the USA. The membership in this committee was brilliant, they did their homework and they came up with an official pandemic plan that—had it ever been implemented—would have changed the course of the American experience of the 2020 Covid Pandemic. Sigh…

Lewis focuses his book on a half dozen individuals, some of whom were original members of that committee, and some of whom were latecomers to the party. All of them brilliant in their own ways, all of them heroes who went above and beyond in their attempts to stem the carnage of the pandemic in the USA. The book reads like a thriller, you get inside the lives and heads of Lewis's subjects, and in the process you learn a thing or two about how bureaucracy works. That latter bit leaves me a little depressed, but it's good to know that heroes exist.

Lewis says an interesting thing about government in general. He says that the federal government—and I think this applies to any federal government—is a manager of a portfolio of existential risks, whether natural disasters, financial panics, military, energy or food security, and so forth. It is the job of government to be ready for any of these risks and to jump into action when they happen. To that end they maintain a stable of experts, a host of disaster plans, and a cohort of people ready to act according to plan when disaster occurs. But that's expensive, and it means a whole lot of people being held at the ready for such a disaster to materialize, and people who are against the idea of Big Government just want to eliminate all that. It makes the cvil service look wasteful. A couple of things that happened when Covid exploded in the US were that the plan was forgotten or ignored and it turned out the supplies necessary for addressing a pandemic weren't there, they'd long since expired and not been replaced.

We hear a lot about how Trump sabotaged the Covid response but Lewis does not dwell on that. He talks about a whole lot of other failures that contributed, and how his little team of heroes tried to mitigate them. These heroes did not have job titles reflecting their importance, they were what one person referred to as "L6": so far down the hierarchy of authority that they should have been inconsequential, but they weren't. They really took the ball and ran with it, regardless of the consequences to their careers. Few of us get that opportunity, but these people did and their stories are inspiring.

River walk

Yesterday Hapi and I walked up the Gaspereau River. We have not been there in over a year and there are changes, the path has moved slightly due to fallen trees and such. In one place the path is almost in the river; the water flow is controlled by Nova Scotia Power and when the river is high the path is under almost a foot of water. It is always wise to wear rubber boots on this trail, you never know when NS Power decides to mess with the flow. Also there are very large muddy patches that can't be bypassed.

"Bridge"

One of the changes I saw on the trail was rocks placed in the river along the side of the path so that at high water there you can still walk through. Another was a "bridge" made of fallen tree branches across a large muddy water patch. The last time I walked this trail there was only one narrow log crossing that patch and you had to balance on it. There was a stash of poles leaning against a nearby tree, you took one pole and used it to balance yourself crossing the log, leaving the pole on the other side. Since there is only one way in and out, you used the pole on the return trip and left it against the tree where you found it. Before that, there was an actual plank bridge, but that rotted away and sank in the mud years ago. Hapi of course just walked through the muddy water, she didn't care about keeping her feet clean and dry.

In another location the path has been widened by building an extensive dry stone wall underneath. I don't know when that was done or by whom, it is very old. Eventually the path ends abruptly at the river shore more than an hour's walk in; I am told that the path continues on the other side of the river but I think you would need hipwaders to get across. That's as far as Hapi and I have ever gone. I imagine this trail to be ancient, perhaps dating back hundreds if not thousands of years.

There are also little walk-in campsites along the river. They are mostly used by fishers, only rarely have I seen people camping overnight there. At the start of the trail are signs put up by the Department of Fisheries about fishing regulations, but there is a new sign now that makes it very clear that this river is home to a rare and endangered type of Atlantic Salmon and fishing them is strictly illegal, except for catch-and-release. Although I think catch-and-release must be very traumatic for the fish, and not good for the survival of an endangered population.

In our heyday, Hapi and I would be on that trail for hours, an hour or more in and then the same time out. There's no cellphone coverage there, I always turn off my phone when I go in and then forget to turn it back on until the next day. It's best to go in the muddy season, when the bugs are gone or not yet arrived. We have seen eagles and deer on our trips up the river, but this time only a solitary raven.

I timed our walk: half an hour in and half an hour out. That was right on the edge of what Hapi is capable of these days, we moved fairly slowly and she seemed to be fine. She stayed with me the whole time walking in, but once we turned around she took off and was soon out of sight. That's what she always does, she knows we are headed back to the car and no longer feels the need to stay close. The river is shallow enough in places for her to walk across, so on the trip home she often crossed the river to explore the other side. But not this time.

Duck season

The second Covid wave has finally arrived, the Atlantic Bubble is done. We did well, but not well enough. The HRM is the major hotspot in the Maritimes right now, and apparently Covid was identified in the waste water of my town last week. It didn't show up this week, but still. In the city they've had some popup testing events where anyone can get tested for the virus regardless of whether they have symptoms or not. Depressingly, they are finding asymptomatic positive test results. Contact tracing is becoming more difficult because there are so many cases and by the time Public Health tells their contacts that they need to self-isolate due to exposure, it's already days later.

I don't have much to say other than that. With no family in the vicinity and sons who don't phone (daughters are generally better at that but I don't have any), I am feeling very isolated now. Plus the dog who is deteriorating more rapidly, I wonder if she will still be here at Christmas.

I took the picture above this afternoon. These days Hapi is not interested in a morning walk, so we go in the afternoon. I was trying to get a photo of all the ducks on the pond but they don't show up that well, you can only see a few of them in this pic. While I was taking this photo a couple walking by stopped to look at Hapi. The woman said at first glance she thought Hapi was a Shetland pony.

I've been trying to keep Hapi out of the water but today was very warm and she escaped and got into the pond where I couldn't reach her to pull her back. I think she must be as depressed as I am, I won't allow her in the water or into the basement, her two favourite things these days.

And November

I put my birdfeeder out a week or so ago and almost immediately the chickadees found it, quickly followed by the blue jays. There are an unusal number of jays in the neighbourhood this year, at one point I counted over eight at or around the feeder. They fight amongst each other and scare off the smaller birds. The chickadees are also more numerous than usual and they seem adept at scooting in and out to grab a seed between jays. 

I am concerned for the other birds though. I've only seen two goldfinches and that is unusual as well, they were formerly the most numerous. A cardinal pair visit just before dusk but often the feeder has been totally emptied by then, thanks to the jays. I am now trying to replace the empty feeder later in the day in hopes that the small birds and cardinals get a shot at it, the jays seem to find other places to go around noon.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I was talking to my son about Hapi and her brother Hiro. He had told me that Hiro had cancer which incapacitated him. But now he tells me that he doesn't think it was cancer, rather it was a preventable accident. I think he felt very guilty about the accident and clung to the cancer theory advanced by the vet who attended Hiro's euthanasia. That is sad. He texted me a Youtube video of seven Malamutes and a toy poodle being fed by their owners through a window (8 minutes long), it is very cute. Most of the Mals look like Hapi, one looks a bit like Hiro.

He also texted me a link to another Youtube video (11 minutes) about the myth that destruction of the environment and climate change can be halted by personal actions such as changing lightbulbs and taking shorter showers. This was in response to my comment that I felt pressured by certain people to invest in solar panels for my house. My son said the solar panels weren't going to save the world. That if anything, the gain of reducing hydrocarbon-based energy usage is offset by the cost of mining and manufacturing the components of solar panels.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I went to an Artisan's Market event at the local Lions Club hall with a friend. Names and phone numbers were taken at the door to enable contact tracing if needed, a handwashing station provided and of course masks and social distancing were obligatory. Nevertheless the place was crowded, it was difficult to maintain social distance and I found the noise bothersome. I got to chat to a couple of people I recognized behind their masks, but I soon got overwhelmed. My dizziness ramped up and I started looking for the exit. I told the friend I arrived with that I would wait for her outside. It was cold and damp and the only place to sit down outdoors was a still-damp picnic bench, but it was better than staying inside the hall.

I did see some nice things there but I couldn't think straight enough to determine whether I wanted to buy anything. My friend had a Christmas shopping list in her head that she successfully ticked off as she moved from booth to booth. I was very impressed with her efficiency. She has a large family in the area and Christmas is a major production for them. But over the years she has gotten her Christmas shopping down to a system, she knows what kinds of things she can gift to each family member. She emerged from the hall happy that most of her Christmas shopping was already taken care of.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sorry, I have no pictures. I've plasticked over the window where the birdfeeder is so it does not photograph well, and taking gloves off to use the cell phone camera outdoors seems like too much bother these days. Our lovely warm spell is over and we are back to the regularly scheduled November weather. Trees are bare, ground is wet, air is cold.

Poor old dog gets a pedicure

This is a photo of my favourite tree at the Reservoir. It waits to turn brilliant yellow after all the other trees have finished, it is outstanding. It's been windy this year but in less windy years it drops its leaves directly below so it looks like a spotlight on the trail. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I am reading "Bright Eyed" (subtitled "Insomnia and its Cultures") by Richard Vaughan, a Canadian poet who died last month (October). If insomnia is a thing for you, I recommend it. Won't provide any cures or even hope, but it's pretty bang on. I'd never heard of RM Vaughan before his death made headlines last month, but I think I will go looking for more stuff he's written. Reading reactions to the news of his death, he sounds like quite a guy, wish I'd known him.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A few days ago I gave Hapi a long cow rib bone. I get a shopping bag full of raw bones from a local butcher for $3, and she's been chowing down on these things for as long as she has lived with me. However this will be the last one. She went to town on it, there was nothing left of it by the time she was done. Then she spent the last three days barfing and pooping bone bits. Some of them up to 2" long. O.M.G. She had her first "normal" poop this afternoon, I really hope she has not sustained any internal damage. She acts like she's okay now, although the first couple of days she looked a bit iffy.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

More or less at the same time one of the other Reservoir dog walkers told me she had a dream about Hapi, that I had neglected to trim her toenails and now her nails were so long they were causing her pain.

"Look at the way she walks, she's in pain," this dog walker said.

Well, yeah.

"Look at her toes," she instructed.

Hapi's feet are covered in long hair so I couldn't see her toes without trying to pick up her paw, and of course Hapi wasn't going for that.

"See, she's in pain, not letting you pick up her paw is a sign of pain."

Oh brother. Just seems to me that with two weak rear legs, me trying to lift any of her paws off the ground was going to leave her a little precarious, of course she would object. Anyway, Hapi now has a pedicure appointment at the vet's next week. I really have no idea whether her toenails need it or not.

The person who took the photos of Hapi in my previous post also put them up on Facebook. Someone commented on how terrible she looked: was she lost? neglected? abused? I didn't see that, but another friend saw the photo and responded to the comment that she wasn't lost, neglected or abused, she was just old. And well-loved.

It is true that her fur is a mess, thanks to her daily wades in the pond and my inability to groom her. She lies on the ground and expects me to crouch over her while brushing or trimming her fur; my back just doesn't permit more than a few minutes of that. So yeah, she does look kind of scruffy.

Odds and Ends

Unexpected landscaping issues, don't ask

I started buying a dog food kibble called PC Nutrition First Sensitive Skin and Stomach, and Hapi seemed to tolerate it well. I asked the manager of our local small grocery store if he could start carrying it, he asked how much I would buy in a month and I told him, then he had his son check to see if he could order it. He can and he will, one bag a month just for Hapi. On the front of the bag is a picture of a dog which at first I thought was a Husky. But one day while examining the picture more closely I realized it was not a Husky but a Malamute, I recognized the yellow-brown eyes and the "snow nose" (black with a pink stripe in the middle). How cute I thought, she gets dog food with her picture on it.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

My brother called to tell me that our eldest maternal cousin had just died, peacefully in his sleep at age 77. First of my generation in this family to go. Who's next? I don't keep in very good touch with cousins, nor they with me, so it's good that the brothers keep me up to date. It just so happened that my brother called me when I was doing a back-of-the-envelope calculation of my current financial status. My thinking is, if I have ms then my life span is shortened, by an average of 7 years according to the internet. Also according to the internet (I use that phrase to indicate how tenuous and suspect such "facts" are) the average life expectancy for a woman with ms is 77 (the sevens! all those sevens!). I'm 72, 77-72=5, all of a sudden I am rich! Relatively speaking.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I got quite depressed on Saturday, racing circular thoughts driving me deeper into that morass. I thought I'd like to have a nice glass of wine to short circuit the racing circles but had to read my homeopathic instructions to see whether I was allowed. A brief moment of glee when I read that alcohol was about the only exception to the restrictions, as long as it was moderate of course. Of course! One glass of wine is enough to put me under the table, one glass is moderate, right? So I did. Early enough in the evening that I could go to bed reasonably sober. Now I have a whole open bottle of wine (less one glass) to deal with. 

I spoke to a dog walking friend the next day about it. I only know her and her husband through dog walking, we otherwise have no connection to each other, but somehow we have gotten close enough that we actually talk about some pretty serious stuff in our lives that we might not discuss with anyone else. She laughed at my one-glass-of-wine binge.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Autumn colours peaked last week, we're now into the "here-comes-winter" part of autumn: colder, greyer, much shorter daylight hours. Hapi couldn't be Hapi-er. She prances again, tail flag high. But sleeps a lot and is really slow to get going in the morning, we're lucky if we manage to get to the Reservoir before 10.30 am.

Speaking of which, the other day I saw a man by himself there just sitting on a bench with what looked like his cell phone in his hands. Looking closer I realized it was a controller and he was flying a drone over the ponds. He started to leave as Hapi and I were leaving and I asked him about his drone. He was quite excited to tell me about it and when we got to the parking lot he gave me his Youtube name on a slip of paper so I could look up some of his drone videos.

Here's one he did at the Reservoir earlier this summer. I've looked at some of his other videos, he obviously loves living in this area, and also playing with his toy. The pond I was swimming in appears on the left at 0:35 and 1:27 min, and also at 2:18 min.  At 1:27 you get a sense of the size of that pond, I was doing up to 4 lengths in that one. The other smaller pond with the little beach is where Hapi likes to go.