The calm before the storm

My grandparents with toddler, probably my Dad

As I write, Hapi is still in bed in the basement. She sleeps a lot. I just went down there to check on her and she dutifully got up and came to the foot of the stairs as if to go up. But she stood there for a very long time, apparently weighing the pros and cons, and finally decided to go back to bed.

I envy her the ability to lie in bed, I really do. At 6am I wake, and within seconds my mind is racing and feel I have no choice but to get out of bed and start my day. She still wants to spend a couple of hours a day out walking, with or without me. To avoid complications I go with her, but those hours of walking with her take their toll, I just barely have the energy to get done all the other things that need doing in the course of the day, especially now that gardening and lawn mowing season is upon us.

I have dreams of painting my house, it's looking a little worn and faded, but where on earth I would find the time and energy to do it myself or even the money to hire someone else, I don't know. So mentally I consign that project to some distant future when I no longer spend hours a day walking. Assuming I'm still fit enough in that distant future.

I have a bike that I used to love riding, but have hardly taken out into the driveway let alone on a bike trail in the past couple of years. A kayak, ditto. Two kayaks actually. Kayaking is absolutely out of the picture now because it involves being away for most of the day and coming home exhausted. Which would be okay if I was alone but not when I have duties of care for someone else.

Never mind the pleasures of biking or paddling, my house is in need of a massive cleanup. I mentally blank out all the dog hair and wood chips strewn around and consign the cleanup to that distant future. If I wrote down all the things I have consigned to the future I think I would be appalled, so I don't.

There's a grey squirrel that raids my birdfeeder regularly and when I see it I chase it away. I really should take the feeder down but I still enjoy seeing the birds at it. Anyway, this morning I chased the squirrel away and caught sight of her swollen nipples. Oh dear, she is feeding babies and I am depriving her of much needed food. Can't win for losing as my Dad would say.

Yesterday I must have pulled a muscle or something in my upper back, it is painful enough to make sneezing or coughing or even breathing deeply quite unpleasant. I hoped it would be gone by today but it is not, so I am not in a good mood. Sitting around thinking bleak thoughts is about all I am capable of.